To mourn with those who mourn

This phrase has taken on a much deeper meaning now that I'm an adult. Growing up in Young Women and Seminary you hear it and learn what it means, but it takes some time getting through life to really begin to understand the deeper meaning of it. My emotions have been very near the surface for many reasons. My third friend in less than a year has faced the horrible tragedy of losing a child, I just had a baby and the hormones are still wacky, and that new baby happens to be a boy. All of the sweet babies lost have been boys. I keep thinking that I'm too young to know people who've had to face this, then I realized I'm older than all of them.

Yesterday I attended the funeral for my friend's 8 month old baby boy. I have so many cherished memories of playing with my friend, Crystal, and all the fun things we did with her family. I share a birthday with her sister, we were both the oldest in our families, and of course, when we were all together Crystal and I would make all the executive decisions about how and what to play. Ahhh, gotta love those oldest children. Both of our families have moved away to other towns, but we've kept in touch. It's been fun over the last few years as our families have grown, we both make lots of boys.

Last week I received the heart wrenching news that Crystal lost her sweet baby boy. It felt like the floor dropped out from under me. I just couldn't believe it. I've never lost a child; my heart ached for Crystal and Spencer. It's a weird thing to actually feel the ache for another person that is facing such a trial. I love being around their family. She and her husband are such fantastic parents; they are fiercely devoted to their kids and would go to any length to do what's best for them. I had the same deep sadness set in that I had when I heard the sad news from my other friends. Sleeping at night has now taken on a new dimension. I find myself laying there half awake making sure I can hear Lincoln. He's got awful allergies already and is all stuffed up, I shoot out of bed when I hear him struggling to breathe through his congestion.

The funeral was a beautiful tribute to a perfect little spirit. The displays in memory of little Sage were amazing, and captured all the joy this little baby brought to the world. My soul was touched by the wonderful life sketch that Liz offered. I'm tearing up now just thinking about it. (I hope Stephen doesn't walk in, he'll think I'm crazy.) So many times in my own life I've been able to look back and see the Lord's hand in my life. While listening to Liz I had it seared in my heart that the Lord's hand is always there. We rarely see it at the time, and that is why hindsight is such a blessing. The Lord knows what will happen, and that's why we are blessed with His tender mercies, so we have something to lean on while we face our darkest hours. Liz wonderfully illustrated all the many ways the Lord had blessed my friend and her family in the time leading up to this heart breaking event. My testimony was strengthened; I know that the Lord does this for all his children. I can't even imagine all that Crystal and Spencer are going through right now, but I'm glad that the Lord will be there to carry them while their hearts heal. After Liz, Teele shared the most tender testimony. Teele is a rough, tough cowboy. He gave me a birthday spankin' that hurt so bad I'll never forget it, he's so strong! ;-) He also told me the funniest joke, that has since become one of Stephen's favorite jokes. As I watched this big, rough and tumble man stand, I lost it. He opened his heart and shared truth...pure, clear, and powerful. The mountain of faith this man has is amazing. I was deeply touched and will forever cherish the sweet wisdom I learned from Liz and Teele. All the Priesthood holders sang The Army of Helaman (I don't think that's the title, but you know which one I'm talking about) as I was struggling to keep Lincoln quiet; I realized these spirits coming to the earth now are our stripling warriors. They are pure, and strong. The strength of the men's voices coming out over the audience was wonderful. I'm greatful for being there to hear that song, the Priesthood is such a blessed power. We've been struggling with some behaviors out of Gabriel that are not ok. While I sat there listening to that song I was struck with how important it is to keep up my fight so that all these boys can accomplish their missions here on earth. I have my own little stripling warriors ( warriors can take on so many different meaning while raising kids) that I'm responsible for teaching, preparing, and molding into the young men that the Lord sees and knows.

It was an emotionally exhausting day. I love the Reidhead family and all that they have done for me and my family over the years. I felt so helpless, had nothing to offer but to let them know I love them, my heart is breaking for them, I'm praying that they will feel the sweet comforting arms of our Savior around them, and always know that I will cherish the spirit I felt while saying goodbye to Sage. Thank you.

Public Service Announcement....

I'm still compiling all of Lincoln's pictures from our camera, my mom's camera, my brother and sister-in-law's camera, and Stephen's phone. I know, life was a lot more simple when you only had one camera and took the nice little roll in for development and were done. :-)

This is my special venting post about our horrible insurance company. Blue cross blue shield stinks!! (yep, that's poop brown) Stephen doesn't have insurance through his work, and my job eliminated all the part time positions with insurance in the middle of 2007. That meant we had to purchase a private policy just for our family.

We chose blue cross blue shield; WHAT A HUGE MISTAKE!! They are the worst company. I've had to fight with them about every bill for the kids and me. Stephen went on a health savings account because he's a man and men don't use doctors or get sick. Blue cross doesn't cover anything with a pregnancy or delivery. Yeah, that meant that we've just added a very expensive baby to the family. We were blessed that the doctor and hospital both had self pay reduced priced packages. We paid just under $1,000.00 for lab work alone, because our lame insurance wouldn't cover any of it. It is crazy, if I chose to get no pre-natal care because it wasn't covered, an unhealthy baby would cost the company tons more money to take care of after birth. Not only that, but nothing was covered for Lincoln while in the hospital. That meant his shots, etc. were postponed till we could take him into the pediatrician's office. However, you can't bring a baby home till the pediatrician checks them out at the hospital; that check up costs 90 bucks. GRRR I want to switch to another company something fierce.

Now, for the icing on the cake. I checked my checking account today and see that instead of the $695 they were supposed to take out blue cross took out over $1,200. My fiesty temper flared. I called and they said, "oh well you added another dependant so that raised your rate to $878 a month, and we had to take out two months for Lincoln's coverage." I'm so annoyed! I wouldn't be quite so annoyed if they'd told me the new rate and told me that they'd be taking two months out for Lincoln. Communication, communication, communication, just tell me what I need to expect, don't sneak over $1,000 withdrawl in on me; it's not like I won't notice. Every time I see their commercial on TV about how they can help Arizonans with their wonderful policies and great coverage plans I want to puke and punch the girl on the commercial.

So, for all of you out there heed my warning: NEVER EVER SIGN UP WITH BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD FOR YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE!! You'll regret it till the day you find a new company.

Ahhhh, I feel better now. On to my next project...