Made It To Veterans' Day...

I made it to Veterans' Day. 

I feel like I've got my feet under me a little better again. I'm glad about that and ready to be productive. The end of October and beginning of November is such a busy time to be feeling like you're reeling. We made it through Lynneah's birthday, Halloween, Papa's birthday, November 4th (her surgery day, an image that is seared into my mind forever), Election Day (although this year didn't help me feel better), Arianna's birthday and BAPTISM (SO happy for her!!!), and managed to make it to scouts, speech, cross country, and all the Dr appointments sprinkled throughout, despite being on shaky ground. I'm grateful to feel normal-ish again.

This Veterans' Day has taken on new meaning. Such a tense time...

The big boys' school does a big Veterans' Day program every year. Uncle Rob was off this year and able to make it, they were excited about it. Figured I better grab a quick picture with all my yahoos.

In the last 4 months or so Lynneah's begun cuddling. Sounds silly, but that's a BIG deal!! As an infant she was very vacant and didn't cuddle, around 10 or 11 months the vacant look began diminishing but she still REFUSED to cuddle, her first birthday came, still no cuddling. August of this year was the first time she sat on my lap and layed her head on my shoulder. IT WAS HUGE!!! Now she comes and cuddles when she gets hurt and wants to be comforted and more and more wants to be carried all over all the time. She can make attachments! Still working on other ongoing issues that may or maynot get resolve, but I'm hopeful on the attachment front.

Carving Pumpkins

When picking pumpkins the rule is you have to be able to carry it yourself.

This year all the kids wanted to expand that to carving it themselves too. We agreed, but they had to get the guts out themselves first. I got home to three little boys covered in goo and declaring, "I'm a man!" "I'm a man too!" "Me too, I'm a man too!" Playing in pumpkin guts is a serious right of passage into manhood. :-D Garrett has serious issues with anything "icky" on his hands. He'd pull out a handful of guts then wipe his hand on a towel, pull out a handful, wipe on a towel, till it was all emptied out. He did achieve manhood though.

We gave them a paper with a big circle to put their design on, transfered it to the pumpkin, then they carved it all by themselves...even Lincoln did his own design and carving.

Carving the faces they designed themselves.

Garrett cut off one of his teeth and decided his jack-o-lantern was yelling, "I lost my first tooth!"

Pretty good carving for a 3 year old.

Lynneah was having issues but she recovered...

Then she made this design all by herself too; she did NOT carve it, Stephen got to. ;-D

 

Kenzie was happy to fling a snake around.

As I woke up this morning I could hear Lynneah talking and it all washed over me again. Two years ago, today, we ended the day with our Little "Boo" in the NICU. 

At her first speech appoint the therapist said she reminded her of  Boo from Monster's Inc. *and* "talked" liked her too!!
A costume was born.

  
I was a mess then, I was a mess last year, and have ended up a mess this year. I feel like a little less of an emotional wreck this year, but still, I felt it building and this morning it took me out.

That being said, I need all critique of my parenting failures, home management failures, financial shortcomings *which I have ZERO control over*,  aging parent care preparation, lack of health insurance, dull monochromatic children, complete and utter failing friend making efforts at church, not exercising, and general falling short of expectations to be suspended until after Veteran's Day. She made it home by that point and I will be firing on all cylinders by then. Be gentle with me during this time. After Veteran's Day I will be able to get ripped into again and continue life without it requiring Stephen to salvage the tatters and piece me back together. Sorry I'm so weak and this is still affecting me, it is what it is.

I have goals of being as pulled together as _________________ and as kind as _____________ and strong like________________ and completely independent like _________________, but for now I'm still working at those goals and just need people to be nice. If I have one of those weak kind of personalities that just drives you crazy, I'm completely good with that, you can still smile and be nice.

Happy November 2,
apparently a day that will  follow me for years to come.