The Masquitos

Toothless

2011-12-29T09:46:00.000-08:00

I bought this shirt last year hoping it would fit this year, she, like all the rest of the kids, still wouldn't have teeth at this age, and that I'd be able to manage to get a picture.

Woo Hoo!

It fit, she's just now barely had two bottom teeth peek through AND I managed to get a picture...with a ton of help from Stephen. :-)

Winterhaven Lights

2011-12-27T17:08:00.000-08:00

Don't you love the symmetry of this fuzzy night picture? I do, symmetry is good, it makes me happy.

Looking at more Christmas lights makes me happy too.

;-D Pretty clever. :-D

Uh, yeah Lincoln's asleep again. You noticing a pattern? It's because he wakes up WAY too early every morning, is sketchy on taking an afternoon nap, and is chronically exhausted and grumpy.

I think this is the coolest lookin' tree ever! I'm pretty sure that even if I had a cool tree like that there is no way I could talk Stephen into lighting it that way.

This was a favorite. The guy who lives here is an engineer and set his entire house and yard to lights and music as the water fountain danced to the rhythm.

It was fantastic!

These last 3 posts are completely out of order. Why did I do it that way? I have no idea, it would have been just as easy to do it in the right order. We've had a busy break...I'm ready for school to be back in session. My how my tune has changed; I used to live for breaks from school back in the day when I worked in them and didn't have all the yahoos running a muck at home.

Zoo Lights

2011-12-27T16:42:00.000-08:00

The Zoo lets you take pictures with Santa for free with your own camera. I thought it was very nice of them. I do have a confession...We were running really late that night. Stephen didn't get home from working till 5:50, 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet up, and I was going a little crazy...oh ok I admit it A LOT crazy. We were meeting with my brother's family. When we finally got there I found them in the Santa line. I knew if we waited in the back of the line we wouldn't get to have any time with the cousins, soooo we slipped in line with them. I know I hate people like that, but I did get my kids through as fast as I could and didn't insist on the "perfect" picture. I checked for super dirty looks and didn't notice any...it was pretty dark though.

Santa: "Whoa! What a worm!"

Yes, she sure is...no calm sweet cuddly baby girl for us. She's every bit as wild as her brothers.

After the very important business of putting in requests to Santa it was time to play with the cousins.

Aren't they all so cute!

Catching the Snow

I'm told you only want to catch said snow on your hands, NOT your tongue. :-D Ha Ha Ha It was made with some kind of soap mixture.

Then my battery died in the camera so you'll have to trust me that the lights looked cool and the kids had fun.

My dear old camera humored me for one last picture of the whole gang.

Temple Lights

2011-12-27T15:38:00.000-08:00

We had planned on getting up to see the lights before Christmas, but you know how plans go.

Lincoln wanted to see the "fireworks" lights first. It was really crowded around the Nativity scene so it was just a quick look for him. I did think it was great that he was so drawn to the light illuminating the reason we celebrate Christmas.

First order of business: Token Family Picture.
After managing to get this picture with the timer due to breaks in the crowds we decided going after Christmas is how we're going to do it every year. There were people, but it wasn't insane. It made for a much more enjoyable visit.

This little girl was having NOTHING to do with the stroller and was SO SO SO happy walking around.

Garrett All Night: "Mom take a picture of us here."

Proof I was there. Garrett also requested taking a picture here. Stephen had been the one in the picture, but Lincoln wouldn't let go of my hand to go stand in with everyone else.

We also saw the Zoo Lights here in town this year. When the boys went through the lit archway there I told them to be careful in the "lighted tunnel of death". My nieces thought I'd lost my mind and corrected me saying, "No, it's the tunnel of light."

While we were walking around the Temple Garrett noticed this archway and yelled,

"Hey it's the Tunnel of Death!"

That boy remembers way too much. They enjoyed going through this tunnel also.

In the end we had a "Silent Night" after Lincoln was kind enough to fall sound asleep for us. Garrett wanted one last picture by the Nativity before we left. Here it is in all it's glory.

In addition to the crowds being much lighter after Christmas it gave us an opportunity, after all the presents are opened, to reemphasize Christ's birth is the reason we are celebrating the season.

An added perk was they all fell asleep on the way home. Stephen and I were able to just talk and enjoy each other's company...almost like a hot date. :-)

2011-12-25T22:40:00.000-08:00

Garrett: "Mom the aliens keep pulling on my belly button."

Me: "Wow that's pretty crazy."

Garrett: "Yeah it hurts."

Me: "Come here so I can check it."

It looked fine but had a little pink spot that must have been bothering him.

Me: "We can put some alien repellant alcohol on it ok?"

The Next Day...

Garrett: "Mom it worked! No aliens pulled on my belly button last night."

Stephen: "Remember, Mommy cleans ears and belly buttons and Daddy cuddles."

Uh huh.

Day Trip to Bisbee

2011-11-29T16:55:00.000-08:00

We took an impromptu day trip down to Bisbee.
(Don't know why it's underlining everything and can't get rid of it.)
Day trips will be the only way we visit until some of the in home help that is needed is accepted. It's harsh and I don't care! She thinks she's stubborn...well let me introduce myself...I'm quieter about my stubborn than I used to be, but I'm going to win this one. I'm hopeful that some of the medical concerns we have may get addressed too. Here's to keeping our fingers crossed. Oh how I wish we were in a place to get into a bigger house with a guest house to move them into. It would make life SO much easier and save a ton of gas and time.

My "favorite" conversation of the day went something like this:

Her: That Lincoln sure has blonde hair.
Me: Yeah, I've had people ask if they all have the same father. We were both there when he was born so we know he's ours.
Her: Well, maybe Stephen needs to find out who you've been cheating with.
Me: *Stunned Silence*

(What I wanted to say: I know you can't even begin to fathom what a healthy, happy marriage between two people fiercely in love with each other might be like but is that really something that should be said to a daughter-in-law?)
Surprising I didn't give her a tongue lashing isn't it? Instead I just put it away with all the other hurtful, mean things that have been said to me. I guess that Stephen has had a mellowing influence on me.

On a different note while driving around showing the boys the finer parts of good ol' Bisbee, we found this...

This is an old empty foundation between two buildings that's been empty for as long as I've been visiting the place. I don't why I thought it was HILARIOUS, but I laughed out loud. I guess maybe because Old Bisbee has always had an "occupy" feel to it, it seemed a little redundant to take over an abandoned building foundation and put signs up. It was my laugh of the day.

I Found Myself Unprepared...

2011-11-23T15:11:00.000-08:00

to face the one year anniversary of Lynneah's stay in the NICU.

She was such a miserable little lady!

Her first birthday arrived and I was swept back to the insanity of everything we had packed into that Wednesday. (I still haven't written up anything on her birth :-( I need to get that done.) I was happy we had her on her special day, but just like last year, this year was PACKED with so much to do we didn't really do much.

Over the next few days I relived all the memories of her first few days home. I remembered as clear as if it was yesterday the feelings of KNOWING something was wrong, but what? I, again, lost sleep at night remembering all the times I woke up and found her not breathing. She's been sleeping in her crib in another room for quite a while now, but all of a sudden I felt uneasy about putting her to bed every night.

November 2nd
That morning emotional flood gates flew open as the memories of that day came flooding over me. One year ago we tag team voted in the morning so we could leave the sleeping kids in the van. As the day wore on my mind became more and more consumed with remembering. That night the images of our tiny little baby in the ER were just as vivid as ever. The palpable tension that rose when her oxygen level was only at 80%. The feeling that consumed me (and I'm assuming Stephen, although we've never really talked much about that time) as a hoard of medical professionals filled her examination area pushing us completely out. Her sad little cry because she was so desperately hungry. The crazy long list of tests that had been ordered. Some random Dr assuring us that she wouldn't remember the pain after I expressed concern over the spinal tap. Then being led back in to see the x-ray they had taken. They didn't say anything at first just let us look at it. It wasn't right, I knew that much, but what wasn't right? I didn't see it. They explained she had a diaphragmatic hernia. I'd never heard of such a thing, but knew enough human anatomy to know there was a hole where there wasn't supposed to be one. Hearing, "You won't be going home." All the uncomfortable feelings that came back remembering standing in the NICU hall while the nurses debated our "outside" baby. You would've thought we had a 3 headed alien the way the were talking. Finally they looked me straight in the eye and said, "We don't take "outside" babies. They shouldn't have accepted her. That Dr just didn't think when he said she could come here." What do you say to that??
We just stood there...staring.
My first thought was to apologize for intruding and leave, but my baby was slowly suffocating so I knew I couldn't do that. Finally they managed to put an isolation room together for us. Stephen stayed over night with her. I still wonder how I made myself leave her that night.

November 3rd
Her oxygen was maintaining as long as she kept her mouth closed and breathed through her nose. She'd been in such bad shape for so long that panting through an open mouth was a hard habit for her to break. The surgeon came to meet with us. All of my questions were answered with, "We won't know that till we get in there." Unsettling. There was discussion about anatomical development. She was born before we found it, so none of the in-utero developmental issues that are associated with diaphragmatic hernias ever crossed my mind till that moment. As the sun set that day the memories of her blessing swept over me. Our home teacher had had a very busy day, but was able to come down and help Stephen give her a pre-surgery blessing. I was shocked how strongly all the feelings of terror I had felt a year before came back. That was the first time in my life I'd been scared to death to hear a blessing. To this day I have NO idea what was said...I only know what wasn't said. It was my Dad's birthday. I never got a call off to him.

November 4th
I woke up that morning with the burning image of our baby girl's little bassinet being wheeled, surrounded by 5 nurses and doctors, down one hall while we just stood and watched. I hadn't moved. At some point Stephen wrapped his arm around me and started me down the hall we had to go through. I was wound up pretty tight. The images of her coming back in the room after the surgery, wow, those will forever be with me. Her arms were down at her sides. She NEVER had them anywhere but curled up by her chest. It was odd to see here in such a different position. The anesthesiologist pointed out that her lips were still pretty as ever and that the breathing tube thing hadn't messed them up. That thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I could hear our conversation as we checked her out and commented on her arms being down instead of curled up. Then the realization of how proportionally different she was settled on us. All of a sudden it made sense. I hadn't been able to figure out why none of her pants would stay on. She was a robust 8+ pound baby, yet even newborn size fell off. The very moment I looked down and saw the baby "frog belly" that had been missing came back. We hadn't noticed how barrel chested she was and abnormally skinny her abdomen was. We were both surprised. We purposely hadn't looked anything up about diaphragmatic hernias. Since she'd come through the surgery ok Stephen looked it up on his phone. I distinctly remember feeling like he was editing what he shared with me. After about 15 minutes he turned it off, put it down, and said, "We know enough now."

November 5th-11thish
These were long, rough days. She was moved into a pod with 3 other babies. Two of the babies had been born at 25 weeks gestation and the third was born at 27 weeks. Heartbreaking! I sat by her side wishing we were still in the quiet, dark isolation room. She was semi-content during the day time; but, would wail for hours every evening till the sun went down and/or they gave her Lorazapam. I tried to hold her, but it was useless. She wanted to eat and I couldn't do anything about it till she pooped. The lights were always on because the other 3 babies kept crashing and the nurses needed to be able to see what they were doing. She did much better in a darker environment. One nurse made a comment about her crying disturbing the preemies. I was annoyed. I didn't ask to be moved. Each time a new nurse came on and read her profile/history they questioned if we really had taken her home. I hadn't done any real research yet to know the severity of having a diaphragmatic hernia. So, I explained that we had indeed had her at home for 13 days before the weird things going on got so bad that I took her to her Pediatrician right away instead of waiting for the scheduled appointment. It was during one of these conversations with a friendly nurse that I was told, "Well, she belongs here in the NICU. The PICU wouldn't have been a good place for her. They're not used to newborns." My gratitude for hearing that comment hasn't lessened one bit in the last year. Acceptance? Validation? I don't know, but it was good for me to hear. We weren't intruders, she was a newborn, and she needed swift intervention. What an emotion filled week that was while I waited for her to poop so she could eat again. It was so hard sitting there all day while the little ones struggled. I still think about those other babies often. I was really unprepared for the wave of emotion associated with them that came. I listened to one get baptized while I was there. I nearly burst into tears when they asked that his sins be forgiven. SINS?!?! What sin could he possibly have committed in the few hours he had been fighting to live? His parents were so very young. I hope they're doing ok. I don't think there was any way he survived based on the conversations about his lung development. The other 25 week baby had parents in TOTAL denial about his precarious state. The Dad asked if he was breathing on his own. Even after the nurse explained that he was on the highest amount of support a baby can get he still didn't get it. I hope that one survived just because his poor parents wouldn't have seen his passing coming. The 27 week kiddo had esophageal perforations from intubation. (I don't know how to spell that) I was able to listen to his name and blessing given by someone from the local Ward. It was a stark contrast to the first one. I wonder about that little guy all the time too. His mother was mentally compromised and didn't seem to have a good support network. My heart aches for all of them. As we passed the one year on her post surgery week all the raw emotion and worry for her and the other babies came back fiercely. I was reeling but didn't know it.

About the time our Stake BBQ and Arianna's birthday party came around again I began to realize the emotional impact of the "1 year anniversay". While at this year's BBQ I was simultaneously reliving last year's. I'd driven over and met up with Stephen. I got to see the boys for a bit but was close enough to get back to the hospital if she pooped. I felt weird last year. I should've been tending to a bundled up newborn, but I wasn't. I hadn't known what to do with my arms. Sounds funny doesn't it? Then it was time for Arianna's birthday party. Last year all the boys were asked to dress up as Lost Boys. We were sent home just before the party and as I looked at the ragged, tattered group of urchins living in my house I knew achieving a "lost" look wouldn't be a problem. I'm not really very good at mothering or wife-ing, but that little glimpse of what would happen if I was gone was sobering. This year was so different. They looked presentable and Lynneah was doing well not just surviving.

After we'd gotten home with my COMPLETELY unrealistic expectations we did the best we could. She was doing alright, but not what I thought she should be doing. We had lots of visits to the Gastroenterologist, Pulmonologist, Physical Therapist, and Speech Pathologist (eating problems not talking problems). She improved...slowly. Then at 10 months she flourished. It was a huge month for her developmentally. We breathed a huge sigh of relief and enjoyed it the best we could. That's probably part of the reason I never saw the emotional semi-truck coming at me. I figured all was well. I've never really dealt with or sorted through all the emotions of that time. I couldn't. Life doesn't pause its self to allow for emotional exploration.

I'm feeling slightly normalish again.
It's surprising how emotionally spent you can feel just getting through the "anniversary" of an ordeal.

SEE!!!
I told ya she was doing well!

2011-11-20T14:07:00.000-08:00

Garrett: "Mom, when I went potty I forgot that I had to pull down my underwear.

Hmmmm, think before you respond to this one mom...

As the song "There's a Bug in My Margarita" ended on the radio and we pulled into the driveway Lincoln enlightened me with "There's a BUG in my sandwich!" while I unbuckled him.

During the Campbell's Soup green bean casserole commercial on TV...

Gabriel: "Ugh! Green Beans. Mom let's not make that." (The horrified tone in his voice was hilarious.)

A Day In The Life Of Lincoln!

2011-11-08T16:11:00.000-08:00

That's some genuine concern on that face.

"Mommy, I got something stuck on my boogers."

There were lots of boogers, but the paper clip was actually stuck on the inside of his nose...
It was a blood free extraction...I'm please to say.

Steal and try on the 7 year old's helmet; discover it's pretty close to a fit on his big ol' noggin'.

Do this to Mommy's BRAND NEW DEBIT CARD while she's going potty.

I hadn't even gotten a chance to call the number and activate the card yet.
Moral of the story?
HOLD IT!

Fall asleep during our quick errand before we pick the big boys up, ensuring afternoon naps are completely obliterated and a VERY long afternoon is had by all!

Crash!

"Blue" Shots

2011-10-26T16:52:00.001-07:00

You know those moms you'd hear bribe their kids....
"If you ________, I'll give you________.

Yeah, those. I'm one of them...now. I didn't used to be because they "could just behave/get over it/do it/etc..."

I don't bribe for everything mind you, just the stuff I don't want to deal with. I so desperately want to avoid THREE in diapers. Lincoln is currently being bribed with candy every time he pees in the potty and still has dry pants. I'm begging and bribing with a sucker (the holy grail of all candy to him) if he poops in the potty.

I relented to the whole bribing idea in dealing with our Gabriel. He was just fine for shots then one day flipped. He's been out of his mind psycho every since. After the day I learned I was no longer strong enough to hog tie him I started bribing with one item from the 99 (hey there's no cents sign anymore) cents store. It worked pretty well as long as Dad was there to keep him in line.

Today I took all four of them, by myself, for "blue" (flu) shots. First Gabriel convinced his teacher that he was supposed to go to the the after school program even though he knows that's only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So I had to hunt him down at the end of school. Then we got to the doctor's office and THREE of the four were asleep. I wanted to cry, if that many were asleep at home I'd have my tired butt in bed too. I told him to get out and carry Lynneah so I could carry a still sleeping Lincoln. He refused. It took over 15 minutes to get him out of the van. By that time BOTH little kids were crying. Grrrrr! He carried Lynneah to the door then refused to go in it. I was ready to lose my mind and hadn't even gotten in the door yet. He finally, reluctantly, went in when I told him she wanted to play with the toys. He crawled under the little corner table while I did all the check in paperwork. I figured he'd cool down and get a grip. NO SUCH LUCK! They called us back, and all the kids went....EXCEPT the psycho under the table. It took another good 10 minutes to get him pried from under there. He was flinging himself around and throwing a complete tantrum. After he got into the room he hid in the corner behind the examination table. The nurse came in and I could hear him crying AGAIN. Lynneah went first; she's a baby and cried for a minute but settled down quickly. Garrett was next. Dang! We're good at distraction, he didn't cry at all. Lincoln was next. Of course he cried but his "bown bankie" and fruit snacks solved the world's problems for him.

Then...

It was Gabriel's turn. He wouldn't come out. So there I am, obviously pregnant, prying my 7 year old out of the corner. RIDICULOUS!! He started scream/crying. That's the type of crying I'm completely intolerant of. It makes me crazy. I grabbed his arm and started pulling him out. He bit me and kicked me. I wanted to...well that's for me to know... Once I got his big ol' gangly body out of the corner he continued to scratch, bite, kick and claw at me. Just to top it all off he started pulling on my shirt. He's lucky he didn't mess it up because it's one of the solid colored ones I can use for work. It took three of us to hog tie him on the bed and get the shot in. I broke a sweat for a 4 second shot. Oh I was fuming mad.

So, what's a bribing mom to do? The rest got to go to the dollar store and pick something while he watched. Then I bought myself a small blizzard. (Dairy Queen is in the same parking lot.) When he questioned why I got ice cream I reminded him that I had behaved and didn't strangle him while he beat the crud out of me. Then I took the two little boys to Sonic for 1.79 kid's meals and let him watch again. He'll be getting peanut butter and jelly with water for dinner.

What lesson can be learned from this?
*Some kids are bribable, others are NOT.
*Empathy, lots of empathy, for the moms struggling with an out of control kid in public. It's embarrassing and makes you feel like an utter parenting failure. I knew I couldn't back down...especially with him...but really wanted to throw in the towel, crawl in a cave and die.
*More importantly I. WILL. N E V E R. DO. SHOTS. WITH. HIM. AGAIN....E V E R R R R! It will be a Dad job from now on.

These little buggers better not get sick after all this...

I Know It's Obvious...

2011-10-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

"Giggles" has been on the way for a while now.

She also happens to be a girl.

The ultrasound showed:

*Clearly defined and intact diaphragm with light grey lung tissue above and darker grey bowel below...just like it's supposed to be. Stomach was in the right place and looked fine.

*Four chambered heart pumping strongly and regularly. This was the clearest I've ever seen all four chambers...pretty cool.

*Head developed well with all the structures that should be there and good measurement around the skull.

*Spine aligned well and inside the skin line.

*Nose, lip and chin with no visible cleft.

*It was very clearly a girl.

*All measurements support the due date I've been given of FEBRUARY 29 aka Leap Day.
This is the first time I've actually wanted to make it all the way to the due date because that would be a cool birthday. As long as it's not on Lincoln's birthday. What kid wants to share a birthday with a sibling?!?

In response to the raised eyebrows.

She happened before, wait, let me be more clear on that
*B E F O R E*
Stephen joined the ranks of the 9.1% of Americans currently unemployed. I'm not a fan of cranking out a baby when we can barely scrape by, but they just keep coming. That whole "well at least we have a job" wasn't much comfort a month later when it became a moot point! The female body was not made to crank out three kids in three years; it just wasn't.

Yes, she will be very close in age to Lynneah. I will have 2 months of a newborn and a 16 month old, not old enough to go to nursery yet, at church.

No, I didn't think, "Hey one baby with health problems, a big kid with reading problems, another big kid that doesn't feel loved, and a 2 year old physcho, is a ton of work let's throw another one in the mix." Like I said they just keep coming. I could've really used a break to recover physically, and emotionally.

How are we feeling about it all? Well, I'm married to a good man that is the epitome of self mastery...he's processing well. I, however, do not have any of the self mastery stuff. I have deeply rooted anger, along with a barrage of other overwhelming emotions, that have been carefully suppressed and wrapped in apathy. I will deal with those later when I actually have the time to face them. When I do unwrap a bit of the apathy and take a peek I see clearly what a total and complete wreck I truly am. We had so many issues thrown at us in such rapid succession we couldn't work through and recover from one before another came hurtling at us. Emotions? They will stay suppressed....

Anger will be the hardest...letting it go means condoning it. I DON'T and WON'T excuse it; IT WAS NOT OK! This anger penetrates the depths of my soul. I'm having the angriest dreams I've ever had. Sometimes there's a face to unleash my wrath on sometimes it's just a restless kind of anger...Either way it's deep and oh so very real.

I have been blessed with a job that helped me develop a great ability to smile and present an "everything is ok" facade. I am happy about that. I'm also happy that I have enough earning power to keep things like that pesky mortgage paid. I can't imagine being in this boat and earning minimum wage...that would stink...and require three times the hours I'm putting in now. I miss my Fridays off and working a reasonable number of hours per week. The list of things going by the wayside is extensive because I'm just flat out too tired to care.

They say you won't be given more than you can bear...I have serious doubts about that.

What a bum deal little Giggles is getting!!

Ever Had One of Those Days....

2011-10-05T14:21:00.000-07:00

When things just didn't seem to turn out the way you'd expected?

It's a long drop to the other side of that tub. ;-)

Desert Heater

2011-10-05T14:14:00.000-07:00

After a fun filled afternoon of drowning bugs and "watering" mom's plants, what's a boy to do?

Strip as close to naked as possible and enjoy the radiating warmth of the pavers. Such a little problem solver...

You can tell it's "Fall" around here because contact with said pavers can be made without 3rd degree burns...

He was shivering like crazy, had bluish lips, and asking to play longer the whole time I was getting his clothes off.

Oh Garrett What Can I Say...

2011-09-28T18:12:00.000-07:00

While reviewing for Garrett's KINDERGARTEN test...

(Pointing to 'S') Me: "Say a word that begins with this letter."

Garrett: "SSSSSSEX!"

(Freaking out in my mind) Me: "What word? Say it again." (Thinking he might be trying to say sIx)

Garrett: "SSSSSEX!"

(Still freaking out) Me: "What is that?"

Garrett: "I dunno. Sock! yeah sock!"

Yeah that's better...

OH MY HEAVENS PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT FOR THE REAL TEST! Can you imagine what kind of family they'll think he comes from if that's the word he says?!?

Leapin' Lizards!

2011-09-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

The boys found this little gem in the yard. It was so tiny! It's one of the cool kind of lizards with the blue tail that wags. His tail hadn't turned blue yet, but he had developed the distinctive curl at the end.

*Notice Stephen and Garrett look like "Me and Mini-Me" even from the back.*
You could barely find the little guy on the pavers.

Then he JUMPED!!

This is how Lincoln felt about it jumping. We instantly busted up laughing...because we're awesome parents like that.

After recovering from the trauma of being attacked by 1 1/2" lizard it was time to hold it.

Linkers turn.

Gabriel's turn.

Garrett's turn.

Not wanting to miss out on any of the action Lynneah crawled right across the gravel like there was nothin' to it. You would've thought she was on some nice soft grass. Don't be fooled by the sweet bow on her head. This is one tough cookie!! She's got an opinion and some serious determination to get what she wants...should be pretty fun to raise.
;-)
When she got to us she just looked up and waited to get picked up....crazy.

My What a Pretty Girl You Have...

2011-09-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

Oh...Wait...That's our BOY.

Antics like this is part of the reason children survive past the age of 2.

He was so proud of himself for getting this thing on his head.

He's Got a Loose Screw!

2011-09-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

Or maybe 2...

I have long held that women are entitled to a daily shower. I know, I know just get up and take one before they're up...except I have a couple non-sleepers that are regularly up before 5. I don't want to be showering at 3 am so I can beat them.

I had Lynneah strapped in the swing with a bottle, Lincoln was settled with his blanket, sippy cup and Mickey Mouse, and thought I'll just jump in real quick. I left the bathroom door open so I could see what was going on through the clear shower curtain. I'm a genius and didn't take into account that water spots on a clear curtain make it so you can't see through it.

I got out to Lincoln's nearly silent handy work. He dumped Stephen's entire box out so he could fill his film canister with screws. That's some scary choking hazards all over the floor. He kept saying something about helping Daddy. Stephen had just rebuilt the 30 year old cabinet that exploded off the wall in the kitchen. Lincoln and Lynneah were both SUPER helpful while Stephen was putting it back together. Wish I had a video of it...

Moral of the Story?
Just go to work stinky because apparently women are NOT entitled to a disaster free daily shower.

It's Definitely From Stephen's Side...

2011-09-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was busy...all day long. We had kids and grown-ups going in all different directions.

Around 2:30ish we were all home again. Stephen came out and said Garrett had been put to bed in our room (fell asleep in less than 5 minutes), Gabriel was going to draw Angry Birds (his new passion) in his room, Lynneah was asleep, and Lincoln was going to the store with him. Sounded like a good plan to me.

A little while later I got a text telling me Lincoln was playing mosquito and trying to drink Stephen's blood from a scratch on his hand.

That is just disgusting!!

A while after that I got a picture of a squished mosquito.

Apparently this is what a mosquito’s face looks like after you squish it.

Like I said definitely from Stephen’s side!

Homework...

2011-09-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

makes me crazy!!!! I don't care if it's for me or for a kid it's horrible any way you slice it. AHHHH! I might not survive Kindergarten...or 1st grade. Then I think about it for the next 12 years. Oh my gosh I'm gonna die! Sad huh...

Wedding Receptions

2011-09-04T15:15:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed the WHOLE new dimension kids add to surviving a reception?

Last night we went to one for a guy Stephen grew up with, they were roommates when we were dating and got married, and both their parents still live in the town they grew up in. It was an absolutely gorgeous location!

We arrived 10 minutes early for the ring ceremony so Stephen took the boys exploring a little hogan thing nearby and the surrounding desert. I always love to look at all four boys off in the distance...Daddy, 2 little Mini-Mes aaaaand Lincoln. As it was time to take seats they came tromping back in true little noisy boy fashion. Lincoln looked up at the DJ and asked, "You going to sing?!?" The guy laughed and assured him he was not. Everyone got settled, then Lincoln "can't see Mommy" so up on my lap he went. He was fidgety but decent for most of it. Toward the end he started trying to wander off and got noisy when I pulled him back. The ceremony was being video taped so I whisked him away quickly. As I was heading down the path toward the desert he starts yelling, "Mommy you're hurting me! You're hurting me Mommy! Don't throw me in a cactus!!"

Fortunately there was a little grassy area we could turn them loose in till the food was set out. I'm not sure what they were playing but it involved rolling, summer salts (sp?), and walking like a primate. Lynneah got in on the action too. She's our first baby that has preferred to stay on the grass over cement upon introduction to it. I'm not sure what people thought of the parents that stood there allowing and watching this go on, but I can assure you I was WAY to hot to care.

Dinner was served, Garrett sat down next to me, looked around and said, "Everything is so beautiful! Thanks for making this my treat Mommy." He'd been really fixated on us giving him a treat all day; I guess he decided that was good enough. Stephen was sitting between Lynneah and Lincoln, a few bites into dinner he said, "I don't know how I feel about this arrangement." It's the exact arrangement I sit between at home for EVERY meal...NO sympathy from me. They put huge scoops of food on Gabriel's plate. He declared, "I'm gonna get buff!" A few minutes later he looked at me so pleased and said, "That was a manly burp." Yeah let's keep your manly burps to yourself. Stephen went with Lynneah to visit with the groom and Lincoln kept disappearing....literally into thin air. I'd get up to go hunting for him and find him back at the table. Finally I noticed the sheet with the slide show was moving...a lot. He was running up and slapping and pulling at it. I was not a happy Mommy. The bride's mom pointed out the rocks holding the sheet up; that would be a very quick lesson learned, but a reception is probably not the best place to learn it. We put Lincoln's sparkling lemonade in his sippy cup for the toasts. He'd wait till the clapping and up went the sippy cup.

Then they had the dollar dance. Garrett wanted to do it. We didn't bring our wallets in so we sent him to Grandma. Next thing I see is Garrett holding a treasured dollar with the biggest goofy smile on his face heading to the line. So funny.

As we headed out shortly before 10 the big boys said, "I'm exhausted!" They were visibly tired and had finally settled down into some cuddly little lap-fulls. I told them that means is was a good party. Gabriel said, "It was a good party."

We were just as exhausted, if not more, than the kids. It was good to see a cute couple so happy and beginning their journey together. It made me miss the good ol' days when we were a couple of yuppies just starting out and so uninterruptedly *happy. Ahhhh, that was the life. This morning as I was fighting with kids to get dressed, eat, stop blowing bubbles in their milk, stop yelling, stop hitting, and to not say stupid any more, I thought of the couple...just the two of them on a quiet Sabbath morning...I was jealous.
*We're still happy, not anything even closely related to yuppies any more, and life is definitely more complicated and waaaay harder to navigate now, but we're happy and still love each other. What more could we want?

Back to School

2011-08-16T11:03:00.001-07:00

The big boys finished their first full week of school last Friday. What a week!

Gabriel was pretty reserved about his feelings on repeating 1st grade. I decided to sit back and let it play out and see how he did. I'm happy to report that he reported his day as "good" at pick up. (Pick up is a logistic nightmare!!) I can't even begin to describe the improvement in his work so far. He was clamoring to keep up from day 1 last year. His handwriting and ability to complete ANYTHING suffered greatly. He and his teacher were both frustrated because if she questioned him orally he know it all, but try and express any knowledge on paper and he looked like he hadn't learned anything. Heartbreaking all the way around. He's SO much less stressed this year. I can read what he writes and he's been COMPLETING his assignments.

Over the summer he worked with a friend on lots of reading activities and we read and read at home. We were also able to get him back in with his old speech therapist that identified some obscure areas as an underlying issue. She said he was the 3rd kid that had been seen for initial language delay that was now having reading difficulties in early elementary school. Those dang delays rear their ugly head...AGAIN. The extra year to mature has benefited him too. He's become a really good little helper at home and with the little kids. It, also, seems to be helping him socially. He's talking about a variety of kids he's playing with and lots of different activities. I am having to put a stop to him pulling Garrett off the Kindergarten playground to join in with other 1st graders.

I was apprehensive about starting school when we did, then I was apprehensive about passing him the first time, I am no longer unsure about our decision to give 1st another try. He will fully succeed this time. I still feel badly that I didn't/couldn't find the tools we needed in time to prevent it, but considering the year we had, we did the best we could. Now, if we can prevent the current year of crap effecting his schooling, life will be good. He's happy, we're happy, and that will foster success. He asked if we could hold him back till he and Garrett were in the same grade. HA! No way.

Garrett finally got to go to school too. He's been anxiously waiting for two years now. We got him all ready and he was off and running...er wandering. The first few days we dropped him off at the classroom. The second day he went in then I came in right after to give the teacher the classroom supplies. He was no where to be seen. I talked to her for a couple minutes and, still, no where. She went looking for him and found him wandering in the common area between several classrooms. Yeah, kids aren't supposed to be there.

I'd pick him up and ask, "What did you learn about today?" "I don't know!" (incredulously) I'd pry with a few more open ended questions and get information on maybe two activities. Funny boy. He thought the "snake that squeezes it's prey to death AND then eats it" was pretty cool. The librarian has lots of cool critters for the kids to look at and learn about. I can always tell when he's just finished PE because that poor head of his is SO sweaty.

The first day he came home with a paper that was supposed to have his name on it. Scribbles was all he wrote. I questioned him about it and he said, "Well, I'm not good and circles." Nice try bud. I explained that when we don't do our work right we do it again at home. Gabriel is very experienced in this and chimed in with a "YEAH". He's been writing his name for over a year, so we fixed it and he's continued writing it.

His first behavior report came home and he'd gotten a yellow light for excessive talking and a RED light for wrestling in the classroom. Seriously!?! Wrestling!?! I told him he has to have red light consequences for it. Gabriel was, also, able to explain those well when Garrett asked him about it. ;-)

I checked in with the teacher to see if he was listening in class. She said not at all, but the time it took him to tune in was getting shorter. Nice. She also mentioned that despite that he was learning and catching the things he needed.

He can't seem to get his lunch box in the basket waiting for it at the end of the table...grrr. As I hunted for his lunch box that last time time I ran into her again. She asked if I needed anything. I explained what I was doing and that I hoped he'd tuned into the world at large soon. She smiled and said, "he is quite the wanderer." He's the one she loses from the line when they go anywhere. He's a smart kid, he'll get it eventually, but in the meantime...

He did a good job of playing with other kindergarteners when I told him he needs to play with kids in his grade more. I don't want him to band into a little trouble making duo with his brother.

He hasn't started getting homework packets yet, but is super excited to start when they do come.

Pick up has been tough. Not only does Lincoln fall asleep on the way and ruin his nap EVERY day, but the boys have to be picked up on opposite sides of the school at the same time. Garrett is supposed to get out 5 minutes earlier, but they never make it out first. Gabriel's teacher is incredibly prompt at getting her class out. I didn't know what to do. Gabriel's teacher knew I had a conflict and tried to come up with ideas to help me out, but they didn't work out either. I have a friend from college with a first grader in a different class. She picks up Gabriel and holds onto him till I get Garrett and can get to the other side of the school. Crazy! I guess as long as we all make it home with the right number and right kids all will be well. ;-D

Redefining Two

2011-08-12T17:50:00.000-07:00

That little Lincoln of ours is quite the piece of work...I blame his Dad...I was an absolute angel at all times. After our 4 day get away my mom told me that Lincoln has redefined two...she had a blast. :-/

This is the first time I've had a kid start to talk on time; which also means, this is the first time I've had insight into the inner workings of the 2 year old mind...scary.

Gabriel and Garrett have deemed themselves "Official Junior Parents". Fun.

Often the big boys are called down off their parenting high horses with, "(Fill in the name) YOU are not a parent."

A couple days ago I decided to brave Wal Mart since I only had the two little kids in tow. Lincoln was screeching and being obnoxious enough it still felt like all four of them were with me. I finally looked him square in the eye and said through gritted teeth, "Lincoln! No. More. Screaming!!"

That boy looked right back at me and declared (loudly) "You not parwent!"

He strongly disagreed when I let him know that actually YES I am the parent.

Any time he sees someone kissing he'll look at me and yell, "Oh GROSS!" Or if he sees a girl on the TV he'll say, "Ew a girlo."

Any chance he gets to climb on anything that can be climbed on he will. Every time I come out of the bathroom or out from laying Lynneah down, or doing anything that has him out of sight for 2 seconds that darn kid has climbed up to the counter and grabbed anything he could. He ate 4 bananas in one day. I'll spare you the details of how that turned out. I caught him with sharpie pens and pencils to "write my letters" with. I caught him just in time tearing into the jelly beans we've been bribing with to use the potty. Stephen's gotten to share in the joy too. I had a week long headache that would not go away. I finally had Stephen pick up a Dr Pepper to drink with some Tylenol...wouldn't you know Stephen busted him sucking that stuff down as fast as he could. That was a super fun night!

He loves swimming!! As we drove home during our only decent monsoon storm to hit he would look at the wash running and say, "You blow a bubbles?" Hmmm, not in that nasty water...

I'm very passionate about my parking spaces...they must always be under a tree. I will walk from a farther distance if it means parking under a tree. Stephen just thinks it's weird, so every time we'd go anywhere as a family Stephen will say, "A tree! A tree!" Now Lincoln responds back, "Park a unda it!" Yeah he's got my back.

His new ploy to keep me from selling him to the gypsies is to play nicely till about 11 am then become the cling-0n of the century while begging to cuddle. By then this house is getting nice and steamy with all the humidity so I sit my lazy self down and cuddle him while watching Mickey Mouse. I know not productive on any level but at least he will cuddle me. Lynneah will have nothing to do with anything that could even be construed as cuddling.

2011-07-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

I ripped this off from the masterpiece about Pioneers a friend posted. It's a pretty good summary of life right now...

I have confidence that we'll make it and survive just like we did last time, but that doesn't make it any easier. Sometimes life just.....stinks.....a lot.

Elder Ballard said “We all face Rocky Ridges with the wind in our face and winter coming on too soon. Sometimes it seems as though there is no end to the dust that stings our eyes and clouds our vision. Occasionally we reach the top of one summit in life, as the pioneers did, only to see more mountain peaks ahead, higher and more challenging than the one we have just traversed.”

It is at the very moment we think we cannot take another step, that we so desperately need to “Remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that [we] must build [our] foundation. That when the devil shall send forth his mighty wind, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon [you], it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless woe, because of the rock upon which ye are built which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build, they cannot fall.” (Helaman 5:12)

Thanks for posting this Jodi, it did me good.

2011-07-19T13:20:00.000-07:00

Gabriel: (holding the coyote mask he'd made) "Roar! (making his body twitch around) I have rabies."
Lincoln: "Dad, I want wabies!"

Lincoln: (while sitting at the pool watching swim lessons) "I want to be naked!!"
Mom: "Not at the pool, only at home." *Monsoon, swamp cooler, we ALL want to be naked!*
Lincoln: (sadly) "Oh ok."

Gabriel: "Me too"
Lincoln: "Me too"
Garrett: "Me one"
Lincoln: "Me one"
Garrett: "No, you're me too"
Lincoln: NO! Me one!"

Just a Snapshot for me to Remember...

2011-06-23T13:43:00.001-07:00

Lincoln has walking issues. He trips, and trips, and trips, and trips some more. He also has a BIG head. Often when he trips his head is so big he can't fight the force pulling it down to the ground and thump it hits. Every time we see him going it's like a slow motion train wreck...try as you might there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Yesterday Stephen was changing the fuel filter on the truck while Lincoln was messing around on the driveway. Next thing I know, Gabriel comes tearing through the house saying, "Dad says come quick!" I was up to my elbows in Lynneah's poopy diaper and couldn't go. I finished as fast as I could and came out to a screeching Lincoln with an ice pack on his forehead. He'd hit the driveway HARD. (have a picture but the computers are still messed up so maybe later) After he'd settled down and we were finished icing it he came back and wanted ice again ie it hurt bad. Poor kid must have had an awful headache and fussed and cried the rest of the day.

Later that night Stephen asked, "Did you get an owie?"

Lincoln responded, "Yeah! I got SUPER bonk!"

A while ago the big boys were really into sharks for a couple of days. We were all loading up in the van while Stephen was talking to Garrett about sharks. Next thing I hear from Stephen is, "Huh, Gabriel, sharks have armpits under their fins." Gabriel looked at him with a glint in his eye and said, "NOOO (with all the 'come on you should know this stuff' he could muster) they have finpits!" Garrett jumped in with a "yeah finpits!" And it was settled Dad was wrong and Gabriel and Garrett were right...

Lynneah is SO hard to get feeding figured out for. Every time I get her up to eating food three times a day she starts puking. So I take her back to plain milk till she stops flinging puke all over my house, then try it again. I can handle poop, pee, spit up, and blood, I even have to pull the teeth, but puke is just something I don't do well with...ever. I'm still pumping for her because it's the one thing that's guaranteed to go down and stay down. I can't even begin to describe how tired of pumping I am. She's 8 months old now, that's a looooong time to have a pump fed baby. I just want to quit some days but then what would I do when she starts puking again. Just a few more months till she's one. That's the deadline for her coming to grips with eating something with a bit of body to it. She's getting cut off on her 1st birthday. Hopefully the GI will have some ideas at her upcoming follow up.

She's an official sitter now, and so much happier being able to play that way. She even plays on her tummy now for more than 2 seconds. I've caught her pushing up or all the way up on her knees trying to figure out how to go forward. She wants to crawl and be mobile something fierce! Rolling, on the other hand, is not something she'll even attempt to do. She prefers laying on the floor crying her eyes out till someone finally gives in and turns her over.

Stubborn that girl is...I'm pretty sure it's from her Daddy. Stubborn is good too because that's what kept her fighting for every breath till we clued in to the fact that something was very wrong. She wants to be held ALL DAY, but NOT cuddle, just be held. We've got our work cut out for us with her. Good thing she's so darn cute.

Something I was never going to do was let myself go. Well lemme tell ya I'm one let go, tired, hag now. Anytime I'm even a little bit dressed up Garrett comes in and says, "Wow! Mommy I love yours beautiful clothes!" It's sweet. 95% of my wardrobe consists of solid, dark colored tops and slacks that go with them for work. B O R I N G ! So if I come out in something that's printed he's even more excited. Someday when I have a closet big enough for a work wardrobe and a "fits my personality" wardrobe he's gonna be one happy boy every time I get ready.

He's in kinder camp this summer. A professor of early literacy is running it. I like her and he likes it a lot. The first session ended today. She sent home a little evaluation thing. Apparently he's got an extensive vocabulary that's being interpreted as "snotty" by the other kids. She mentioned tact is a very difficult thing to teach and learn but critical to social development. Awesome. I've got the beginnings of an intellectual snob. I totally agree that tact is hard to learn and critical, so I'll get more specifics and we'll start working on it. No intellectual snobs allowed. You can be a genius but by dang better not make others feel less because of it. She did say in general he's well liked by the others in class. I asked him if he talks nice to his friends in class. He said, "Yeah, but sometimes I fall in love with Angelina." That boy had the biggest goofy smile on his face ever while he talked about her. He's talking more and more about the stuff they're learning every day. As long as he's kept busy he's happy and well behaved. The second he gets bored is when he comes up with something to keep himself busy with...

According to Boys

2011-05-15T18:09:00.000-07:00

Narrated over two dinosaurs facing each other:

"She's being resurrected so she can't die anymore!"

It's a start...

Family Sunday...

2011-05-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

Sunday mornings, if he's home, Stephen has meetings till church starts. Then after church he has a whole lotta other stuff to do. That means I'm on my own...and...I'm a wuss! It drives me crazy that I'm such a weenie.

Last Sunday was "Family Sunday" *meaning* NO meetings before church. Sometimes "Family Sunday" falls on a day that Stephen has to work. I usually have a little pity party because I don't get to take advantage of having him home. Yeah I know wah wah wah....

Well, last Sunday he was home ALL morning long. I basked in his company, especially because I didn't wake up with the fight in me to get everyone ready on time. It was fabulous getting to take full advantage of a "Family Sunday". We even went to church IN THE SAME CAR. I loved the whole 10 minute ride. Going in the same car was kinda dangerous because there is always stuff to do after church whether it's "Family Sunday" or not. But by some miracle he managed to get out of the after church stuff . We all drove home IN THE SAME CAR too. Magnificent.

Ahhh....It was like a breath of fresh air. I didn't yell all day...Stephen did. J/K That was a major accomplishment! I was born and bred by a long line of yellers; I'm definitely a product of my yelling heritage.

I have great sympathy for the wives of the guys with the really time involved callings. They are a really special group of women. I sure hope they know how great they are...

2011-04-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

Overheard at work...

Pacific Islander to a practicing Muslim: "So, what did you do for Easter?"

Muslim: "Uhhh, I don't..."

Pacific Islander: "Oh!"

This one made me giggle...never know what I'm gonna hear.

America's "Funniest" Home Videos

2011-04-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

A little known fact about that sweet husband of mine is he LOVES watching America's Funniest Home Videos. He introduced the boys to the show a little while ago. They also love watching and laughing hysterically at the misfortune of others. I watch it and see my own kids getting BAD ideas.

Two weeks ago they were watching it while I was a work. That afternoon Lincoln climbed out of his crib. Stephen put him back in and out he came again. (He's the only one that's ever climbed out of the crib.) After a few days of his new found freedom during nap time Stephen came in and said, "You know America's Funniest Home Videos had a clip with a kid climbing out of the crib and now Lincoln won't stay in his crib. I think he learned it from there." I smiled sweetly, or not so sweetly, (while screaming in my head "I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET THEM SEE THAT!") and replied, "Can we ban that show from the house now before we have any broken bones from playing Funniest Videos?" After all, these kids do have half of their coordination, or mainly lack thereof, from me. He agreed that he'll have to be sneakier about watching it.

I was going to just lower the side down so he could climb in and out easier with less neck breaking potential but our crib was on one of the recall lists. They sent us these little things that made it a permanent, up all the time, side. Now I don't know what to do with the kid. I really really really want to delay adding him to the mayhem of Gabriel and Garrett's room for as long as I can. The toddler bed is ready and waiting for him, but I'm a chicken and don't want to move him yet.

This was a really long way of saying that darn show has been banned from the Monkey house.

*6 months ago, today, and on a Wednesday our Lynneah came into the world. I still haven't even written up her story...sigh... First I have to see if this dinosaur computer can even handle pictures. I promise we love you too Lynneah, even if there's no evidence to prove it.

2011-04-12T15:25:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate it when every computer in the house breaks at the same time? I've found it rather annoying and VERY inconvenient! This one works intermittently at best....I'll take advantage.

Other news of the kid sort...

Gabriel: I continue to work through the acceptance that he will be repeating 1st grade. I struggle with my contribution to his educational falling apart by continuing to work and not doing better in the months after Lynneah's birth. I continue to be amazed how fast I get thrown back to just before he turned 2 and the process of "I think something's wrong...yes something's wrong...here's the hill you have to climb to fix it." I have to always remind myself denial never fixes anything. He's in basketball now and truly seems to get it. He's a rebounding monster and shows some real potential. I'm glad, he needs something to excel at and feel good about. He is very good at art and told me he wants to be a map artist when he grows up.

Garrett: Came apart at the seems in the months following Lynneah's birth. Again, I'm struggling with this one too. He wants to be a happy boy, but is miserable most of the time. He's really entrenched in that 2 year old stage of magnificent, body flinging, tantrum stage. He's getting big enough now that it's dangerous to those around him in public...not to mention the looks I get from people. I really really want to help him without breaking his spirit. He turned 5 and announced the next he was off to kindergarten. Poor kid is now asking if summer is over yet nearly everyday. He's in soccer and practice and games are pure bliss for him. His coach is very sweet about his inattentive bouncing on the field. He feels special there, wish we could manage that feeling for him more.

Lincoln: Has embraced all that being 2 entails. He's still our little "blonde sheep". He's talking like crazy! One afternoon he was sitting on my lap and gently took my chin in his hand and turning my head said, "Look at me." "You understand?" "Really!?!" Then jumped off and ran off to play. He's still a Momma's boy. He LOVES suckers, balls, and trying to be one of the "big boys". He falls ALL THE TIME. He's a perpetual bruise. He comes in now tells me "bunk", gets ice, holds it on his head for a second, then keeps going.

Lynneah: Is finally more like a normal baby. The pulmonologist said her lungs now sound the same. We haven't done any imaging but sounding the same is good. She continues on her cocktail of acid controllers but if it's working I'm not messing with it. Food introductions will be a slow careful process. The GI gave me some good ideas if food is not going well. Her kidney is still swollen but slowly going down. I hope it'll be normal size soon. We're anxiously awaiting the day she begins sleeping through the night. I love her laugh! Her brothers love her too...to the point of making her cry several times a day. :)

Stephen: Continues his "booter" year in his new job. He likes it. He's a busy guy and I'm grateful he puts up with the unbalanced, crazy life his wife causes most of the time. He's a quiet guy, but I know when something's up. They made a couple changes at work and my Stephen came back. I was happy to see him again.

Me: I'm working 2 days a week. The more I cut back on work the fatter (if I'm working I can't be eating) and busier I get. We continue getting medical bills on top of digging out of the unemployed hole we were in, so I keep working. I've decided for each year you free fall financially it takes 2 to recover. Our little house if feeling a bit claustrophobic with all the kids and noise. My mom fed the missionaries over here a while ago. They walked in to me holding a baby, then the big boys came banging in, then Lincoln came running in tripped, fell and proceeded to cry. One of them said, "Wow, kids everywhere." I'm running out of places to put kids down for quiet time that has them separated from each other. This may be a long summer.

In short ANY time we're all in public it's a full on embarrassing circus.

Dear Wisconsin,

2011-03-06T15:35:00.001-08:00

Keep your dang Snowbirds! I hear Florida likes 'em, send them there.

You know that saying about visitors and fish stinking after 3 days? Change the days to months and it about sums it up. Every year you taint the few months of decent weather we have by clogging our streets, doubling our commutes, giving our kids dirty looks, running us over and off the streets, and being all around annoying. We know many of you are no longer allowed to drive in your home states, yet you come here and blatantly disregard the the restriction...NOT ok.

Really?!? Was it necessary to park 1 inch from my bumper? It took all I had in me to not scratch the crap out of that shiny Buick hood while putting the big ol' stroller in my trunk. Yes, this one happen to be from Wisconsin, but my disdain is equally shared for Snowbirds from Illinois, Indiana, Minnesota, etc.

The day drastically improved after this little incident with a luke-warm date (kids were in tow) to Sam's Club and Cold Stone later. I'm so addicted to the Founder's Favorite with just a little caramel and lots of the fudge. My sweet Stephen humors me with a date at least twice a month. Have I mentioned how glad I am that he has a job again and we can do that? My mouth watered every time we drove by a Cold Stone, and I knew we couldn't stop, during our broke years.

My Lonely Little Petunia in An Onion Patch

2011-02-27T16:03:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad I get to see more of this lately. The cocktail of acid controllers seem to be working a little better...finally.

Stephen says all the accessories that come with girls are silly. HA! He has no idea what's comin'. I've decided to condition her. She gets a bow everyday, whether we leave or not, so that way she'll be used to it and maybe let me put them on her for longer. I know eventually it'll get pulled off the second I put it on, but if it's just part of life maybe I'll get a little longer.

I just like this one.
This is the first day-time nap she's taken in her own bed *not* the swing. That's something else she'll need to get used to. Someday she's going to weigh too much for the swing and have to know how to sleep in a bed.

Sleeping Like a Baby

2011-02-27T15:47:00.000-08:00

Do all kids do this??

I've found both the big boys with sound asleep with their jammies filled. Now Lincoln's doing it. The big boys preferred soft stuffed animals. I don't know what Lincoln was thinking putting a bunch of hard toys down the legs of his jammies.

I fished all these out of his jammies...all the way to his ankles.

Dear Global Warming,

2011-02-27T15:28:00.000-08:00

My kids loved the snow that fell in the desert! Keep the up the good warming. Although, the frozen and busted pipes at the in laws house was a bit excessive.

Notice our little early bird is already dressed while the normal sleeper is still in jammies. These were taken much earlier than anyone should be awake. :-) I'm NOT a morning person and had been awake since 2:00 am when Lynneah woke up and stayed that way for a while. Stephen had to work so I spent the rest of the "night" at the other end of the house. Fun. It was worth it to see their excitement.

I watched throughout the morning in hopes that the snow would slide down and fold over itself at the bottom. Never happened, not enough snow I guess. (That would be carpet at the bottom of the slide to cushion Lincoln's rear end when he smacks the ground....Stephen's funny idea.)

They were funny to listen to and watch. I let them check it all out. Made hot cocoa in sippy cups and put them back in their bedroom till it was late enough to face the day. Where's Lincoln? SLEEPING.
I'm not a nice enough mom to wake a sleeping toddler, especially with church later in the day.

Bubble

2011-02-21T12:06:00.001-08:00

I need a size 7 *slim* bubble.

My Gabriel is BREAKING my heart. I've spent more nights than I can count awake, thinking, crying, trying to figure out what course of action to take for my baby boy. I know, he's not a baby anymore. Just as I think maybe, just maybe, we've got it something new happens. Why are kids so dang mean by age three?!? Church, school, general public--there is no escaping for the target.
I hate it!!
I swore many times growing up and as a young adult that my kids would NOT experience the feelings of being unloved, unwanted or tossed aside. They were not going to have crappy childhoods. Now here I am watching the crappiness unfold before my eyes. I can't stand it I want to wring some little necks! He doesn't have his Mama's "I'm gonna get you before you get me" mentality (that's good it didn't serve me all that well). I can tell it's getting worse because he's spiraling out of control at home faster and faster.

I'm pretty sure a bubble that I can wrap him up in and regulate all that he sees, hears and learns will solve all my problems.

This meanness isn't supposed to toughen them till later. For a long time now I've felt that kids need some tough times to steel and ready them for missions, adulthood and the mean nasty workforce, but come on kindergarten/1st grade? No, now is not the time for that. I'd love to find those little brats and kick 'em in the butt when no one was looking. I'm sure that makes me childish...gotta get to their level.

(deep breath)
Off to write another email to the teacher and get the other kid's side of the story before I decide which course of action will be taken on the most recent incident.

FLU

2011-02-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

Don't worry this doesn't come with pictures.
The current flu going around is HORRIBLE! Monday Stephen spent the day taking and installing a new stove in his parents' house. The current state of them and their house is rapidly deteriorating. He had Lincoln with him when he picked the new stove up and just kept him when he headed down. There was some serious nastiness going on. I think the flu might have already hit them. They came home and Lincoln proceeded to puke all over the carpet Stephen had just shampooed after I spilled milk all over it. We cleaned it, and him, the best we could and hoped for the best. Later that night I could tell...er...smell the stench continued to linger.

I told Stephen we'd need to rent the carpet shampooer again the next morning. By that time I was feeling pretty darn awful. Stephen skipped morning basketball so I could sleep while he got the boys ready. That is a gesture of true love. He. Never. Skips. Basketball...unless I'm actively giving birth. When he went to get the big boys up he found that Garrett had puked all over his bed and onto the floor. Poor kid hadn't even told us, he just layed on the floor and went back to sleep. I woke up SO sick! Stephen cleaned and scrubbed their room down. Then started the shampoo marathon. It might be because I'm old, but I've not been that sick in a long time. I didn't eat anything all day. It worked wonders on that stress grazing gut I've been growing.

By the end of the day we had a couple loads of yucky laundry clean family room carpet, and a very stinky boys' room. We've checked, scrubbed, thrown the plastic mattress cover away, and still can't figure out why that room is still so gross. GAG! He did a really thorough shampoo and scrub, but even he can't deny the lingering stench.

It seems to have exited the house...I hope. At least it's a fast moving one and Lynneah escaped it.

Annoyed...

2011-02-10T19:47:00.000-08:00

I seem to be annoyed about a lot of things these days. Things like Stephen works every Fast Sunday till May. If we wait till then to bless Lynneah she won't fit into her dress anymore and we can't bless her on any other day. The whole it can only be on Fast Sunday drives me crazy! It's just plain stupid. Garrett had no one at his blessing because we weren't allowed to move it up one week to be on the same day as Sarah's mission report. So, everyone came to the report... It's been a problem with every single kid. Ridiculous. The list goes on...it's making me stress eat and distracting me, both, with devastating consequences.

Lynneah doesn't maintain her oxygen levels as well when nursing so I've had to pump all but two of her feedings everyday. I loath pumping, but also feel strongly about the importance of all the good stuff nursing provides....so I pump several times a day. Every time I'm tied to my machine it forces me to just sit there...dangerous. My annoyed mind starts thinkin'...also dangerous. I think and think, and usually yell some, "Stop fighting!", "Don't make your brother cry!", "Would you focus and eat?!?", "Stoooop screaming!!" then I think and think some more.

There really wasn't ever a time after she was born that we were able to get a good sufficient supply up and running. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm frustrated that I'm losing ground and not able to completely pump as much as she needs. I'm having to dip into the frozen stockpile to top off the bottles, despite taking supplements the Dr said might help increase production. All that thinkin' is distracting me like crazy.

Yesterday I'd actually managed to pump a full 8 oz, more than enough to give her a full feed. I was so excited. The next thing I see is that entire bottle spilled on my carpet, pump bag, and chair cover! Dang!! (I have to admit there were a few other select words that crossed my mind too) I really have no idea what happened. I cleaned it up the best I could and thought at least there was still the other side to pump; hopefully it would be enough to fill her up for a little while. I managed 6 oz, not enough but would hold her till we got back from school drop off. I was getting all her medicine ready in the kitchen and the next thing I know, 4 oz was all over the counter. Dang!! ( This time the other select words left my mouth.) I wanted to run to the corner for a good cry and pout.

Dang! Dang! Dang!

Everything had spilled and I'd have nothing more for hours. More frozen gold had to be used. Just too distracted... Then I remembered the huge spill on the carpet. Breast mild STINKS something fierce. Gabriel was late by that point. I'm so lame he's been chronically late for two weeks now.
I suck.
I sent Stephen a "Good Morning" text and warned him I was in a seriously foul mood. I was just the kind of wife any guy wants to come home to after working for 24 hours straight. I didn't care---I - had - milk - all - over - my - dang - carpet.

We rented one of those super duper rug shampooers from Home Depot. He pre-treated the spot and went over it several times. Then he shampooed the rest of the room. We had it for the morning so I vacuumed the other rooms quickly and he shampooed those rooms too. There was still cleaning solution left so he finished it off going over my spot a ton more times.

That evening I checked it...

It was already stinking!! The dang carpet is ruined!

I'm beyond annoyed. We already have our turd neighbor complaining about the fence between our houses (because, apparently, we exclusively own it and his yard draining into ours couldn't be making it worse) a leaking 30+ year old roof, water heater that can no longer provide enough hot water to make it through Sunday morning showers and baths, van with no AC, in addition to a couple legitimate mechanical concerns, Lynneah's medical bills *fun* and now my carpet is
r u i n e d.

Just live with it you may say... Well, let me tell ya about old rotten milk in the carpet during monsoon with nothing but a humidity inducing swamp cooler.

N A S T Y !

I have a SUPER sensitive nose I can smell things no body else can. Smelling that stench all summer will have me committed by August. Grrr! {:'-E (That's my made up "grrr" face)

APNEA

2011-01-20T20:01:00.000-08:00

This is her new sleep apnea monitor.

I was in to the Pulmonologist earlier this week and mentioned that I've found her not breathing several times in the middle of the night. There have been a couple times I found it before I went to bed during my last minute check on the kids rounds. Other times I've shot awake from a sound sleep and found her. At one point I had to rouse her three times before she was in a light enough sleep to maintain consistent breathing. I've been semi-dismissed by some people that I told. I could tell they thought I was just being over reactive. I'm beyond paranoid and obviously not sleeping. The Pulmonologist said that's not a lung issue but a brain issue. One more problem to add to her list.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit I've wondered if the lack of oxygen for that two weeks followed by a continued lack of weight gain would be enough to hurt her little brain. I don't think apnea is from depleted oxygen or being skinny, but the thought has crossed my mind.

Last night was her first night using it; it went off F O U R times. The alarm is so loud it scared the the tar out of me...and her. Loud enough that it causes her to gasp and start breathing again.

All I have to say is...
I. AM. NOT. CRAZY.

2011-01-11T09:17:00.001-08:00

Gabriel keeps calling Lynneah our Angel Baby. To be honest...it nags at me...makes me squirm...my stomach tightens up...and leaves me unsettled. I haven't said much to him about it. I have to bite my tongue to keep from biting his head off and telling him to "STOP IT!" He always says it with the sweetest look in those big chocolate brown eyes of his.

I continue to make lots of visits to different doctors. The x-ray last week looked good to me, but I'm not a Radiologist. I still haven't heard anything on her kidney ultrasound. No news is good news...right??? I was in for another weight check yesterday. Not good. She's just flat out not gaining what she should. As soon as school got out for the semester, I started pumping a minimum of two bottles a day, often three, to make sure I knew she was getting what she needed, in addition to good old fashioned nursing. Still minimal improvement at best. She's asleep or crying...all...day...long, often into the night hours too. Poor Gabriel is just about to freak out every night after clawing through all the reading he has to do with a crying baby sitting next to him. Reading is not any of our friend right now. It takes every ounce of power in that six year old body of his to concentrate long enough to read a page; her crying in his ear just might be his undoing. She continues to turn an eery (is that a word? my computer says no) shade of gray several times a day. She cries till she's exhausted and during the few minutes she's quiet her color is not good. I was back in to see the surgeon and he explained she has "1+" lungs (more than one but NOT two). That was an answer I could wrap my head around and digest. It explains the color issues. She just doesn't, and never will, have the oxygen reserve a normal kid does. It's fine for day to day living but not enough for things that require lots of exertion...like crying all day. He agreed that I should keep looking for the reason behind the crying. Often times it's that pain cry. I kept getting mad at the boys for hurting her till she did it one day and I saw there were no boys near her. Hopefully the pediatric GI specialist can help us find answers. The surgeon said it could very likely be a really bad case of acid reflux. It's a common issue with diaphragmatic hernias. He said if we can make it to a year it usually self corrects. If she just can't make it that long it'd be another surgery. :'( Right now we have her on prevacid ($50 bucks a month) and zantac ($10 bucks a month). I don't know that I see that they're helping a ton but it makes me feel better that at least I'm trying to help her. The pediatrician asked about the tons of congestion she has going on too. If it gets worse we may be visiting a pediatric lung specialist. When he mentioned that I actually had a very good feeling settle in my mind. I think there is more to her lung issues, but we'll start with the acid reflux route. Hopefully we can get some answers soon. In the meantime I'll cringe every time that sweet boy of ours calls her our Angel Baby.

The Enforcer

2010-12-29T14:10:00.001-08:00

Garrett is in a "stage" right now. I sent him to timeout during breakfast...yeah early start.

The rule is still quietly on the rug, that he's not even close to sitting on, behind him. I won't start the timer till they are sitting there and NOT making any noise. Garrett was rolling and squirming all over the floor and not even close to quiet. He kept whining that I hadn't started his timer yet. Next thing I see is Lincoln sitting on top of him...at least was being still...finally. Lincoln is the "husky" version of our kids and might out grow both of those big boys. I'll teach him young to be my Enforcer and then I can say, "Don't make me send Lincoln in..."

His 4 minute timeout took almost 45 minutes to get finished.

After timeout we require them to say, "I'm sorry for _______." If they don't remember why they were sitting there we remind them and send them back for another 2 minutes. Sometimes just getting them to remember takes forever.

In an effort to avoid an additional 2 minutes Garrett now has a list he apologizes for a loooong list of things every time he gets out. Today it went something like this, "I'm sorry for being mean aaannnddd being rough with Lynneah aaannnddd talking rude aaannnddd not sitting to eat aaannnddd saying bad words aaannnddd not sitting in timeout right?" Each time he'd say something his tone would go up a little like he was checking to see if he was at least on the right track of remembering why he'd been sent to the rug.

Thanks for the help Linkers.

Tried Again

2010-12-29T14:03:00.001-08:00

I tried again. I think it turned out a little better. The house was ROASTING hot in an attempt keep her warm, but she still got a little cold and didn't want to smile. She doesn't look quite as annoyed, that's an improvement.

I'll take what I can get and declare her adorable!

My Little Stocking Stuffer

2010-12-27T20:49:00.000-08:00

I've always thought little babies in stockings were so cute. This Christmas was my chance. None of our stocking were wide enough to slip a baby in, but Brianna had this pretty one that did work.

Lynneah is a long scrawny little girl, skinny enough to fit and eventually squirm all the way in.

Doesn't she looked thrilled with it? I thought I'd caught one with her smiling, but it was blurry. :-( She was having nothing to do with curling her arms up in a cute little pose. Those arms are out in every one. sigh...I tried.

I might have to beg Brianna to borrow it again so I can try to get a little better shot...unless she or my mom caught a good one.

Silent Night...

2010-12-23T15:05:00.000-08:00

HA!

NOT a Chance!

Keep Dreamin'!

Not if I have anything to do with it...

It's beginning to look a lot like...

2010-12-17T13:08:00.001-08:00

Christmas??

Or something like that.

Currently, Stephen, the big boys and several of the neighbor kids are having a large water fight. They're equipped with water balloons, guns and hoses. All of them are soaking wet. I heard Stephen on the roof a bit ago and have the house surrounded by water blasting kids.

Saddest part is they came to the door asking if I could come out and see something. Fortunately I was nursing at the time so Stephen grabbed his mega water gun (that was taken off the market due to injuries it caused) and went out.

Gotta love Christmas in the desert!

My sympathies to all the sufferers of snowy places. Snow is something I like to look at for about 5 minutes and then I'm done.

{;-D

I've Been Told...

2010-12-10T14:50:00.000-08:00

There needs to be a new picture of Lynneah...not screaming her head off...posted here. Well, she did a whole lot of that screaming her head off, anytime she wasn't attached, for a while. I most definitely wouldn't recommend a two week maternity leave to anyone. It makes that time you're trying to get life + one figured out REALLY complicated. I've been tired somethin' fierce! The boys have been yelled at a lot; I was just flat out too tired to deal with the sassy little mouths, and total disregard for all the rules. Oh, and don't forget the new full contact wrestling/fighting moves they have. One more week and Christmas...er..."Winter" Break starts. It'll be a long couple weeks with all of them home all day *but* I won't have to worry about getting them up at a certain time, badgering them to get dressed so the can eat, have the morning fight about brushing teeth or have to get myself ready for work.Yes, they will still brush their teeth I just won't need it done by 7:10 am, and yes, I'll be looking pretty great in all my hag glory. Hopefully I can get lots more pictures of Lynneah at that point too. For now this will have to do.

I can never get pictures to embed where I want them too. I swear one of these days I'm gonna get smarter than this darn computer and and then we'll see who's laughing.

Anyway, the above picture was taken the morning I woke up to my alarm rather than already being up with her when it went off. I was SUPER excited. She slept from 10:00 pm till 6:15 am...IN HER OWN BED. We've had several days of real chunks of sleep at night. I hope she's not just teasing me. She's got allergies on top of acid reflux (very common in kids with diaphragmatic hernias) and wouldn't sleep, especially laying flat. So on nights Stephen was on shift she slept in the bouncy seat next to me. It kept her elevated and let me just bounce her back to sleep when she woke without getting out of bed. Poor guy spent 2 nights "camping" on the floor when he was home because I was so proud of my new set up and didn't want to give it up. After 2 nights he squeezed back in bed with the bouncy seat between us. I found the perfect pillow to help elevate the mattress in her cradle and she'll sleep in it now. The bed is ours again!

Don't Know If I Should Be Worried Or Not...

2010-11-18T15:11:00.000-08:00

I always have background noise on, namely the TV, when I'm at home. It's not a good thing, I know, but it is what it is.

Today "Say Yes to the Dress" came on. All I've really ever seen of it is what ever I saw till I changed the channel to something I liked better. Today I came in, plopped down to nurse again and changed the channel. Gabriel looked over and said, "No Mom! I want to watch that." When I questioned exactly why he wanted to watch a show about picking wedding dresses he had a perfectly logical answer. "So I can know what to buy for Blianca (Bianca) when she...if she...marries me someday."

He's gotten pretty excited to bring the Helzberg Diamond ad, that comes in the mail, to me too. Maybe he can be my shopping buddy someday. I'm thinkin' he'll have a happy wife someday. {;-D

Welcome Home

2010-11-15T14:22:00.000-08:00

There's no easing back into life when kids are involved.

This poster took Gabriel ALL DAY to finish. He wouldn't do it because I accidentally called it "homework" rather than just having him "color". He's the First Grade Friend of the Week and the poster is part of that. The 2+ hours of homework every night is getting fatiguing. Tonight I was informed that "homework sucks" and that "everyone at school says sucks". Nice.

While encouraging/prodding/ordering/pleading with Gabriel I discovered this...

This would be Garrett's Pull Up he didn't put away. I know it's gross that I took a picture of it. I have no idea if it was wet or dry because I made him clean the darn thing up. The dogs rip these things to shreds, wet or dry, and I'm not cleaning them up anymore. While scrubbing his hands this happened...

I left a grocery bag on the counter with two bowls of soup in it. I thought it was back far enough...I.WAS. SO.WRONG. Lincoln is like elasta-boy. He stretched that long ol' body of his and pulled the bag down. One of the lids popped off and did this. Grrr!! I let the dang dogs have a treat so I could take care of this...

*Notice she's mad as heck and still the right color.*
Life is Good.

Lynneah has "sun downer's syndrome". I don't know if it's a real thing or not, but the nurses at the NICU said it too. Everyday as the sun starts to set she completely freaks out. She looks like this till it's dark outside. So while I was addressing the above "issues" I was trying to soothe her at the same time. Stephen was on shift...this was one of the nights I missed having him here.

Everyday around sunset the body snatchers take my sweet kids and leave a bunch of crazies in their place. Once the sun is down the body snatchers bring my kids back.
Really, it's the weirdest thing!
Some nights I triumph patiently getting through the mayhem, other nights I'm a yelling crazy lady (probably when the body snatchers take me too). I actually made it through this night with my sanity semi in-tact.

It's good to be home.

SHE'S HOME...

2010-11-14T10:06:00.000-08:00

Again!

We're confident for good this time.

After our really bad afternoon, and a delivery of ice cream from Aunt Sassy, she was able to sleep it off and figure out how to eat again. She still wasn't a fan of night time so I ended up in the the recliner holding her for most of the night. She was eating, which caused weight gain, which led to going home...sleeping in a recliner...totally doable.

My nights in the recliner led to some interesting observations, the main one being that night nurses get pretty punchy around 6:30 am. They start joking and giggle/laughing like crazy about half an hour before shift change. I think I'd do the same thing if I'd been awake all night dealing with very time involved babies too. Lynneah shared a room with 2 25 week preemies and a 27 weeker. She looked like a moose even though she's still 1/2 a pound below her birth weight. Those teeny tiny babies kept the nurses REALLY busy, Lynneah's fussiness just added to the commotion of the room, thus the reason I sat there and took care of all her non-medical needs for a week.

I'll be getting a full detailed post up as soon as I can, mainly because we don't want to forget the last week. The NICU is truly a place where miracles happen; we will forever be grateful that we are the recipients of one of those miracles.

Three Weeks Old

2010-11-10T16:50:00.000-08:00

Lynneah is three weeks old today...and here we sit...in the hospital. Last night I ran home quickly to grab some stuff I needed. It was exactly one week since I'd made the same trip with no baby in the back. I cried my eyes out all the way home a week ago. I probably shouldn't have been driving. What a different trip it was last night, still no baby in the back, but I had confidence that once again there will be.

She had a ROUGH night last night. This girl just hates nights she fusses and cries and runs the nurse ragged all night. She finished it off this morning by refusing to latch and nurse before I had to run to work for a short time. I got back down to the hospital and had to drive around for 30 stinkin' minutes to find a place to park. I walked back in her room just in time to find her finishing a bottle. I'm not anti-bottle but had wanted to get back in time to nurse.

Fast Forward to this evening. She FREAKED out! The sun started to set and she went INSANE! She screamed her little head off for 2 hours. She shares a room with several SUPER preemie babies that need quiet. She refused to latch and eat. Her heart rate went above 200 and her oxygen dipped. She just screamed at me for 2 hours. The nurse practitioner said it might be colic. I firmly believe I've done more than enough colic for a lifetime with Gabriel. The nurse asked if we should give her a bottle. I agreed because she needed to eat and because it might quiet her down. She latched right on and ate it down. I lost it. :'-( I sat here bawling like a baby because my baby is RUINED and will only take bottles now. She, of all the kids, is the one that needs to nurse the most and now I'm gonna have to pump to build her darn immune system. She was such a dainty nurser, it makes pumping that much more dreaded. The nurses were very sweet about my total collapse. One assured me that she's never seen a baby that wouldn't nurse again. Oh, how I hope she's right. As an added bonus she freaked out before I got my time sheet sent in. {:-/

The doctor had said if she continued to eat and had gained weight when they weighed her tonight we could go home tomorrow. Yeah, I don't think tonight counted as continued to eat. I just want to go home...with the baby in the back seat. I miss Stephen...and those wild boys that are running poor Nanny ragged.

She's crying again...here's to another night. I think I need cold stone.

Lynneah's Surgery

2010-11-04T23:29:00.000-07:00

The NICU has computer access so I thought I'd update quickly but this will be VERY short. Sorry I'm beyond exhausted.

Her surgery went well. The entire colon, small intestine, appendix and possibly spleen were in her chest. The doctor was able to get it all down to the right region of her abdomen. He wasn't ever able to see the spleen so we don't know where that is. He said that it's all down but will be in different positions compared to a person that developed normally. Before we leave we'll get an ultrasound so we know where everything is for future reference. Things like appendicitis (too tired to worry about spelling that right) may not present pain in the lower right region because the appendix might have landed somewhere else. Her heart will probably stay slightly to the right but is developed normally and healthy. Her lung was little but very pink and healthy looking. The doctor said it had begun inflating well and he expects it will continue to inflate and fill the now empty half of her chest. This was an "ideal" case for this problem. These kids are normally very very sick right from the get go, she actually was home for a while. She's a strong fiesty girl and it's served her well so far. The nurses will attest to the fiestiness. :-)

Her vitals are looking good. She's having trouble regulating her temp but the heater in the bassinet is helping with that. She remains on oxygen. They were able to lower it quite a bit and thought maybe she could be off of it, but they can only go down so far before she starts having her oxygen levels drop. The biggest thing we're waiting for is POOP. I never thought I'd be anxious for a poopy diaper, but here I am hoping for it. As soon as she poops I can start her back on nursing again. I hope she remembers how and is willing. We'll just have to wait and see.

At this point all is well. She still has a long, and fairly painful recovery, but she's doing well.

Thank you for all the prayers. We've been blessed by them and felt the love extended from family and friends.

The surgeon gave us very clear pictures I will post those later with more details.

The Knowns & The Unknowns

2010-11-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

Here's what we know so far...

*This occurs in 1 out of every 5,000 births.
*There is a huge spectrum of severity...she's on the better end. The bad end results in horribly sick babies that have trouble immediately after birth or pass away quickly after birth.
*She DID come home for a short time and that's a good thing.
*We caught it early, before it became an emergency.
*There is a hole in her diaphragm.
*Major organs vital to life are in the wrong place.
*The surgery will happen early tomorrow morning when the surgeon has his regular team and they are all fresh. I appreciated him taking that into consideration. He said he can take pictures inside for us too.
*She is STARVING, but can't eat. The IV is just not how she wants nourishment.
*Leaving her at the hospital is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. You're not supposed to have them home then have to take them back and leave them.
*She's being very well cared for.
*Stephen is in the middle of his 6 days off and can stay while I get things squared away for when he's back on.
*She is darker complected than Lincoln and me, but NOT as dark as I thought she was. Her dark coloring was from the lack of oxygen in her little body. After they put her on oxygen last night she looked like a different baby. I've never seen her that pink.
*She is not another self pay baby. That would have put us under.

Here's what we don't know...

*How big the hole is. The size of the hole determines the surgeon's course of action AFTER he gets in.
*The state of her lung. The fact that she was alright after birth has the surgeon thinking that it should be pretty good.
*How well the vascular structure of the lung was able to develop. She won't be able to make any more of the little air sacs, but the ones that are there should be able to expand and fill the whole chest cavity with time.
*The health of her heart. They did an ultrasound this morning and will have the cardiologist read it sometime this afternoon. It was weird to look down and see the ultrasound wand on the wrong side of her chest. The Drs think it should be fine.
*How long her recovery in the hospital after the surgery will be. It is totally dependent on her little bowel. There is so much up in her chest it's going to freak out being moved.
*Several of our questions were answered with that will depend on what we find when we get in.
*How the boys will react. We were just getting them back from the body snatchers that took them and re-establishing their routines. Just the slightest hint of the insanity was starting to fade.

Don't Even Know What to Title This...

2010-11-02T23:42:00.001-07:00

Something hasn't been right with our little Lynneah. I couldn't put my finger on exactly what, but my gut told me something was wrong. I struggled with how to even describe what was going on. She kept turning plum purple when she would cry, then she would kind of grunt while she was calming down, then she would have huge amounts of bubbles come out of her mouth as she relaxed again. It was a bunch of weird stuff that I couldn't connect to each other. Then I noticed her little belly button stump was bleeding. That was the defining weird thing that made me call the Pediatrician. We got in the same day. Belly Button was fine. He agreed that these were a bunch of odd symptoms and suggested we treat for acid reflux and see if there was any improvement. She was doing pretty well then had another episode. I was just getting her calmed down when the Pediatrician's nurse called to see how she was doing today. I had taken note of the progression of the episode this time and explained what had just happened. The Dr called back a while later and said we should go ahead and take her to the pediatric ER for an upper G.I. tract scan. When we arrived her oxygen levels were in the low to mid 80's (rather than the 98-100% she should be at) which led to an x-ray and lots of activity in the ER. The x-ray came back and showed a hernia in her diaphragm. The entire left side of her chest cavity is filled with intestine pushing her heart and lungs to the right side of her chest. Yeah, while the Drs were talking about what they saw I caught that her little heart is on the WRONG side. She is now in the NICU till she can get into surgery tomorrow or Thursday. I thought she might have to stay for a couple of days after the surgery then the nurse said that no we were looking at weeks in the NICU after surgery. I kept myself together till the drive home...weeks...weeks...not good. Tomorrow she'll be two weeks old. I hate that she's there and not here. Stephen stayed tonight with her because every time I held her she wanted to nurse and she's not allowed to do that till after surgery. It's killing me. I'm so glad my pump got here. That's what I'll be doing for the next several weeks. She's such a dainty little nurser pumping is really not fun, but I want her getting that when she can eat again. I'm glad we have insurance again. I have to sleep now so I can get back to the hospital for the meeting with the surgeons early in the morning. Big breath...pray for her...and her momma that's a big mess.

She had a very long day! It took two tries for the IV, then they had to draw blood, then they put a tube down her throat all the way to her stomach, she can't nurse, and finally went to sleep from the exhaustion of it all. Oh, my sweet girl hang in there you'll feel better soon.

Lynneah

2010-10-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

Brand new!

10/20/10
8 big pounds 6 ounces
21 inches

Welcome Home Party

She likes having a warm head and this chair was the perfect width to keep her all cuddled up and head warm.

Just thought she looked so sweet. I love her little hands!

Her dark eyes.

All stretched out.
She had just a touch of jaundice so here she is in her few minutes of sun. She just hung out and looked around for a long time. All the big boys were gone and it was nice to be able to just let her be without the worry of someone jumping on her or man handling her.

These are just a few pics from the last week. I'm working on a real post all about the day she was born...mostly for me, but ya'll can read it too if you want. :-) There will be lots of pictures in that.

Buckelew Farm!

2010-10-28T13:33:00.000-07:00

Me: We need to get our pictures by the measuring pumpkin.
Gabriel: I don't want to!
Stephen: Do you want to do it now and get it over with or do it later and have to think about it?
Gabriel: (through gritted teeth) Do. It. Now.

Ahhh, didn't it turn out so cute?!?

Garrett had a stroke of cooperation wash over him...which I was grateful for.

Lincoln needed some help staying by the actual measuring stick. He wasn't very interested in staying there, but we'll know that's the side of his blond noggin'.

All loaded for the wagon ride out to the pumpkin patch.
Can you tell how much Stephen was into pictures? He's sure a good humored fellow...most of the time.
As we were walking to the wagon Stephen ran into the wife of someone that was in the academy with him. She's connected to the farm and was actually working. She was a cute girl. As their conversation was ending she asked, "Hey, do you want some pumpkin tickets?" She then gave each of us a coupon for a free pumpkin up to 15 lbs. Not even 10 minutes earlier I was thinking I need to track a way to get coupons so we can stretch cash for next year. What a blessing. Stephen and I never get pumpkins for ourselves and have a hard and fast rule that you can only pick pumpkins you can carry by yourself. This keeps the cost way down. This year we each got one and Stephen helped Gabriel pick a slightly bigger one to actually carve. Garrett got to pick the design for the pumpkin Stephen picked.

Garrett's first pumpkin choice. He ended up changing his mind and actually getting a striped "tiger" pumpkin. But, of course, I didn't get a picture of that.

Lincoln's choice. The poor kid could hardly walk around in the field, but he was not about to give that little pumpkin up either.

Stephen took pity on him and carried him for awhile. Lincoln welcomed the break from tripping and falling every 3 seconds.

All my boys!

In the corn maze.
The sweet girl that gave us the pumpkin coupons also gave us some free admission tickets for the corn maze. We hadn't planned on doing the maze because they're expensive and I was SOOO pregnant.
With the tickets in hand off we went.
It was the first time any of us had ever done a corn maze, including Stephen and me.

We did the half maze. It had a F.S.I. (Field Scene Investigation) game set up. Each kid got a little card with animals, weapons, and scenes to find out who got the farmer. It was set up like the game clue. As we went through the maze there were little stations with a picture of an animal, weapon and scene. The kids would get to punch out what they saw till the mystery was solved. They were very dedicated to their games. I'd tell ya who done it but then I'd have to...just kidding.
We spent a lot of time in the maze. There were little maps posted around, but I can tell ya it didn't help me much. After an hour I found out Stephen was able to decipher it. Grrr. I told him to start reading that thing and let's get done. My body was about to give out.
The kids loved it!

Waiting for Dad to bring the van up closer.

We went to Buckelew Farm this year because it was much closer to town and I was so very pregnant. We figured if I did go into labor we'd be able to get to the hospital within an hour or so and all would be well.

After 5 hours at the pumpkin patch I thought for sure I'd go into labor. Well, I didn't go into labor and our little jack-o-lantern just stayed right where she was.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

She's Here!!

2010-10-24T21:26:00.000-07:00

I can't even begin to tell you how nice it is to NOT be pregnant anymore.

She came fast...so fast in fact I got to do it all natural with NO epidural. To all the people that taut the greatness of natural childbirth I D I S A G R E E ! ! If you want to see a couple pictures you can check her out on my Ma's blog. She's beckoning me at the moment.

I'll be posting all about her arrival...complete with pictures on one of the days Stephen is off this week. She looks a lot like Garrett. I keep looking down and thinking, "who put Garrett in pink?" Then I remember... I have a girl!

Fun times. Hope my pump arrives tomorrow. Off to feed and try to settle in for the night.

Going "Green"

2010-10-14T14:00:00.001-07:00

This is our new "green" washer. We bought it shortly after we bought our house. It's kind of one of those things you need. If I remember right the washer was purchased before our bed. :-)

Last week it decided it was time to go "green". I had the last of the four loads I did that day in and was just waiting for it to finish up. I noticed it was quiet (it was bought before I began making appliance choices based on decibel levels so quiet is pretty noticeable) and went to switch them to the dryer. When I opened the lid it was still full of water. I messed with the cycle knob trying to get it to spin out. I failed. Grrr! Now what do I do...Stephen was on shift and my parents were gone AND it was a load of whites sitting in Clorox water. I couldn't just leave them till Stephen got home. Later that day my Mom swung by to fish the clothes out. She was able to rinse and spin them out at her house.

How is it "green" you ask? Well, it agitates just fine. So, in an effort to reduce our water consumption I figure we'll just keep using the same ol' water over and over and over again. It'll probably cut our water bill in half. :-) Such a gross thought!

I figure with a broken washer it's a sure fire way to get this baby to come.

When Stephen got home he started his research, this is what he found:

Problem:
"Fool thing won't pump out and I got a tub full of stinky water in the washer. I'm gonna die! EEEEK!"

Possible Solutions:
*Calm down, the pump's fried. If it's a belt-driven pump, you can tell by feeling how stiff it is to turn. For electric pumps, hook up a test cord and run it. Pull drain hose and watch discharge stream. If stream fluctuates or is pathetic replace the pump.

* Worn drive belt. In this case, washer won't spin either (or will have a sluggish spin).

*The drain hose is clogged (usually with panties or nylon stockings, yee ha). Pull drain hose and watch discharge stream. A good discharge stream will have the same diameter as the hose itself. If less than this, it's time to play find the panties.

Stephen showed me all our options and I immediately started whining that I needed a new pump, for me not the washer, and that this was really annoying timing. He responded that a washer was more important than a pump. I gave him my sweetest smile, kicked him as hard as I could and strongly disagreed. He's since been able to get it all figured out and we'll both get our new pumps! With a little creativity we'll have a bigger washer, a fixed washer to sell, and a new pump for Me. Going "green" will have to just wait a little while longer...

My Gabriel...

2010-10-14T13:30:00.000-07:00

The Monday and Wednesday morning schedule around here is fun. I either leave the little boys running wild at home or drop them off at Nanny's house around 7:15. That leaves just me and Gabriel left in the car for the drive to school drop off; then I head straight to work from there. He's a talkative little guy and tells me all kinds of stuff on the way to school.

Yesterday he asked, "Mom how do you get the baby out of your tummy?"

Hmmm, I doubt he's really wanting the how that happens. I could sure use some of that farm/ranching exposure I grew up with. That was an education...on more than one occasion. Ask me about billy goats and I'll tell ya a story. ;-) I'll spare you the cow and horse stories.

Me: "I just push them out."

Gabriel: "It hurts a little bit, huh?"

Me: "Yeah a little bit." (Which is why ya'll should be NICE to your Mommas!)

Gabriel: "How do you push them out?"

Me: "Just take a big breath and push, then they come out."

Gabriel: "Sometimes I take a big breath and push out my poop. It shoots (complete with hand motions) into the toilet like a rocket!"

Me: "Wow, that sounds pretty crazy." (No rocket babies for me thanks.)

Gabriel: "I wish my sister was already out of your tummy."

Me: "Me too buddy!"

And then he was off and talking in a totally different direction. We still have lots of challenges to conquer, but he's sure come a long way. Those eyes of his and that truly happy smile he gets sometimes always brightens my day.

Speaking of his sister coming out...she's making a little more progress. The Dr said she's dropped a little, 60% effaced and to a 3. My weight, although higher than allowed, is holding steady and blood pressure is actually going down. Weird. I think she's making a statement, "Go ahead and try...I'm a girl and am gonna do whatever I want."

Thoughts...

2010-10-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

A couple Sundays ago I was asked to read a quote and share my thoughts on the Savior. I was very emotionally fragile that day, I don't know why but am pretty sure it had something to do with the 100+ degree days that continued, my ever growing girth and discomfort, and another fun Sunday of getting kids to church...or maybe I'm just a crazy female.

It was a powerful lesson and I learned so much from what the other women shared. I love that every week we, as women, are loved and strengthened by other women that are traveling this path we call life right along with us.

I read the quote quickly before the lesson started and knew I was in trouble; it pierced my soul.

From the talk:
He Lives! All Glory to His Name!

"I try to imagine what an intensely poignant moment it must have been for our Father in Heaven when the Savior cried out from the cross, 'My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?' (Matt 27:46; Mark 15:34) I don't believe Father in Heaven forsook His Son on the cross. I do believe the cry was motivated when that Son felt removed the sustaining support He had always enjoyed from His Father. His Father recognized that the Savior needed to accomplish the Atonement totally and completely on His own, without external support. The Father did not (emphasis added) abandon His Son. He made it possible for His perfect Son to win the eternal fruits of the Atonement.

None of us can ever adequately appreciate in mortality the full beneficial consequences of the Atonement."

As I tried to share my thoughts I struggled to form any kind of coherent thought. This so perfectly summed up thoughts I'd been trying to put words to for sometime now. SO many things rushed through my head and came out so disjointed. Frustrating...

We were in such a free fall, all we could think about or focus on was the immediate. Whatever was pressing the hardest at the moment was what we took care of...everything else just waited till it started pressing the hardest. There were no plans or foresight involved in our lives. We didn't like it, but what else was there to do? Now that we're in a time of rebuilding I have been able to step back and analyze...just didn't have words to put to it.

I am acutely and painfully aware that our problems were, and are, minuscule in comparison to many others.

Were there times we felt a little abandon? Yes. Well, I should clarify, I felt a little abandon. I've never pried into what Stephen was feeling, but could see the fleeting flickers of emotion that would flash across his face and be gone again. He was stressed, but did a good job of not showing anything.

Were we really abandon? No. Just like our Savior, we were not abandon, but left for a time to struggle and conquer on our own. We are not even remotely close in comparison to our Savior, when we began to approach a breaking point the loving hand of Father in Heaven would step in again with guidance.

I was surprised more than once at the random solutions that came to us. We were prompted to drastically modify our lifestyle and to do it immediately. It was hard to give up some things, and every now and then I felt the need to pout about it. I am a woman, after all, and have honed the ability to pout for many years. It was ugly. Did we survive it? Of course. My Stephen loves gadgets and cool toys; turns out we didn't need quite so many and lots of people are willing to give you money for them. As we dug through the shed, house and all the nooks and crannies that housed said toys I had a very clear thought come to me that getting broke is better than moving. You get to clean out and cull without the stress of finding a new place to live or packing what remained. Although, to say I wouldn't love a bigger house would be a lie. :-) At the same time I felt comforted that if we came to a point that a home sale was in order we'd already be half way ready to move out. Turns out people were willing to give us money for some of my "treasures" too. We needed to cut back more, out went the home phone. The health insurance that refused to pay a cent towards Lincoln's $9,000 birth started costing more than our mortgage so we canceled that too. They let us retro cancel so we didn't have to pay the current month. It was scary with a new baby, but that worked out too. A car broke. That Stephen of mine looked at the spa sitting on our patio and got another idea. He traded that spa for a "little red race car" (Garrett's name for it), then we traded that "little red race car" for a huge U G L Y full sized van (I loathed that van, but it got us from point A to point B), then one day Stephen got an email from a guy that had landed on harder times than us and was looking for something to live in. We gathered some non-perishable food, a couple blankets we didn't need and a few toiletries from our year supply to put in that horrid van and traded it for his motorcycle. Stephen doesn't have a motorcycle license so we had my Dad ride it to make sure all was well. Turns out that motorcycle was in great shape and had some original decals that increased it's value quite a bit. We finally sold that motorcycle and had the money we needed to fix the broken car. Back in the day we'd borrowed money against my Explorer to finish off the last little bit of our family room addition. We chose borrowing money against the car on purpose because if anything ever happened I would rather lose a car over my house any day. We were saddled with this darn car that still had payments. We were blessed that the loan was through a credit union, not a bank, they worked with us and we were able to find a buyer and get rid of that thing too. We were able to find fun free activities to do with the kids...they were sheltered from the reality of the situation. Their childhood bubbles are still in tact. The toilet broke, found one on craigslist for FREE. A system for using coupons and ad matching came together in my mind and reduced our food bill by several hundred dollars per month. Some months we made it on exactly $100 dollars. The kids were begging for a swing-set, found one with some broken wood from a storm for FREE. A couple hours replacing the broken wood and the kids got their swing-set. Stephen found hourly work that brought in some money, I swallowed a SIZABLE amount of pride and approached my supervisor, that DOES NOT like me, and asked for a little more work. A new career idea came to Stephen; one that I'd never even thought of, in a direction totally opposite of what he'd been doing or studied in school. It felt right and we went for it, despite the total disapproval from his Mom. In the middle of interviews I discovered I was pregnant. It felt like a boulder had been dropped on my chest. I couldn't breathe and was more than a little panicked! (We couldn't afford a baby and had no business being pregnant...and I knew it.) The Lord blessed me to be able to keep quiet for a month before I told him so he could focus on getting a job. These times of guidance were spread over a 2+ year period with times of suffocating desperation in between. We were not abandon, but definitely given ample time to grow and learn through the struggle.

Throughout the entire time we were scooped up by the loving arms of family and friends and carried during our times of weakness. We would've NEVER made it without them. Christmas 2009 will forever be burned in my memory. I was left in tears more than once at the generosity, love, and warmth shown to our little family. We were humbled and felt the pure love of our Savior through the sweet acts of others. To this day I have no idea who to thank (oh how I wish I could let them know how profoundly they touched our hearts). On Christmas Eve it dawned on us that Mom and Dad hadn't purchased anything to put under the tree for us. We prayed that the kids would be distracted enough to not notice. Our prayer was answered. Those, sometimes too savvy, boys didn't notice a thing. We learned that when the Lord calls on us to serve one of his children we must act; for we are here to serve Him and His children.

Are we abandoned? No.

Do we have to do some things on our own? Yeah.
Is it painful and hard? Without a doubt.
Would it be easier to skip the hard parts? For sure.
Did we learn from this time? More than I can ever tell.
Humbled? I was choking on all the pride I had to swallow.
Do I want to repeat it? No way.
Will hard times come again? Yes.
Will we be abandoned? Never Ever...

Thanks for handing me that quote. I now have the words I was looking for; we will never be abandoned. It is taped in my journal to remind me of it's important message for many years to come.

2010-09-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

Dr: 30% effaced and 1 cm dilated, but she's still really high.

Me: Oh good! I'm done, my body hurts, I can't sleep, and she keeps trying to split me in half with that knee or whatever it is.

Dr: Well, we don't want her to come this week; it's still too early.

Me: I agree, but next week will be just fine. Now everything will be ready when she decided to drop into place. *Please let her come early. I'm begging.*

Here's to another really hot week...so the weather guy says. I'm sure loving those! I heard the other day that fall has officially begun, although, I'm suspicious.

Random Things for Me to Remember

2010-09-24T14:19:00.000-07:00

Lincoln's Words:
-Gecko (pronounced with kind of an e/u blend) SO SO SO cute! The second we pull into the driveway at night he starts pointing toward the light and saying "Ge/ucko!"
-Da (Dad)
-Mom (but usually just hollers at me to get my attention)
-Doddy (Doggie) When we hear this we have to swoop in and rescue the poor little critters.
-Bee (Bee, Bird, Bug, Airplane or anything flying in the air)
-Nanny (all women) Of all the kids I figured Gabriel would have generalized this one because he was babysat the most by Grandma, but Lincoln's the one that thinks all women respond to "Nanny".
-Ba-ba-ba (Basket Ball)
-Na-Na (Night Night) Every night when I lay him down he'll tell me "na-na" wave from the mattress and "blow me a kiss" from his eye. His bottle is usually in his mouth so the eye will have to do. {;-D

He's the first one that has really tried talking on his own at this age. I'm VERY hopeful that he'll just develop his language without long trips to and from speech therapy.

Gabriel & Garrett were working on a dinosaur puzzle together. They'd each picked which dinosaur they "were"...

Gabriel: "Hey! I found my head!"

My first thought...was mine with it?

After getting a red light at school for having 3 physical outbursts in one day Gabriel explained that he gets a red in each grade. "I got one red in Kindergarten, then I was done." (He actually got many red lights in Kindergarten, but I think some of it was due to the student teacher that hasn't realized boys are DIFFERENT than girls.) "Now I got one in first grade and I'm done." I responded that I was glad he was done for the year and that we can just have green lights now. He quickly added, "Well, I can still get one yellow light in the week...as long as it's not for something too bad." Hmmm, "too bad" huh?

And It Finally Happened...

2010-09-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

No, not labor. I'm still gargantuan.

Today was the first time I was really faced with following through on our new house rule:

"When it's time, it's time!"

I'm done with the fighting and power struggles. I'm not going to fight with a 4 and 6 year old. They can listen and obey or they can live with the consequences. If they don't learn at this age that Mom and Dad aren't joking I don't even want to think about the teen years. We now tell them what needs to be done and they can choose to do it or not and live with the consequences.

Stephen left for his early morning meetings at 6:20...I was still "sleeping" although the noisy kids that were already awake made that very difficult. I gave up and lumbered out of bed to reports of who hit whose eye and rebuttals (I have no idea if that's really how you spell it) on who started it by hitting or scratching or something along those lines. I immediately heard my Dad's voice singing, "There is beauty all around. Let us oft speak kind words to each other, especially to sister and brother." Yes, these are two completely different songs, but those are the two lines that were sung to us oh so many times growing up. I don't have any recollection of actually singing the second song till after we moved to Tucson when I was 13. I will never forget the day I was sitting in Sacrament meeting and that was one of the songs for the day. To this day I don't like either of those songs. Anyway, we started singing and all of a sudden I realized I was singing different words than the rest of the congregation. HE'D MADE UP THE WHOLE ESPECIALLY TO BROTHER AND SISTER PART! But I digress....

These boys are lucky that Dad got up before me because my Sunday rule is no breakfast till you're completely dressed and ready to walk out the door for church. I say they're lucky because Dad had already fed them. Lincoln and I got showered and ate by 7:30. At 7:50 I gave each of the older boys their Sunday clothes for today. At 8:15 I reminded them that when it was time to leave for church they were going in whatever they were wearing. They continued with their games of hide-n-seek, building pillow forts, fist fights, and NOT putting any Sunday clothes on. Lincoln and I were good little people and were all dressed and ready to go by 8:30. At 8:45 I gathered all the shirts, socks, shoes, and ties into a little backpack because I figured Stephen would want to finish dressing them. Well, along came 8:50 (remember that's the absolute latest we can leave and be close to on time) and I announced it was time to load up and get buckles on. I got a couple, "I'm not dressed" and "I'm still half naked" comments. I reminded them that when it's time to go we're gonna leave. So, the little half naked critters went to the van and got buckled. Gabriel was lucky his shirt was on but not buttoned so he was able to finish that up during the drive.

Garrett was very quiet there in his booster seat wearing nothing but his Sunday pants. As I pulled into the parking lot I hear, "Well, I couldn't get dressed because Gabriel was bothering me." It had sunk in that he was at church with very little on.

I gave Stephen the backpack of clothes and excused myself for a little cry/laugh. I was crying because, really had we gotten to this point? Are my kids really this out of control? How can I possibly suck this bad and parenting? How the heck do I get through to the them that just because Dad's not home they can't turn into naughty, psycho terrors? And, the fact that I didn't want to get dressed and go anywhere, I was not excited about subbing with the Sunbeams, I'm miserable at church because it's so flaming HOT every Sunday, and it feels like years since church has provided the edification that makes it worth all the effort of getting there. I was teetering on the brink...
I was laughing because really who takes their kids out in public like that? It's not like I was on the way to Wal-Mart where you can get away with that kind of stuff. What kind of mother doesn't even have the decency to fully clothe her kids before church? And last but not least, their state of dress in combination with the facial expressions was just darn funny. If it'd been someone else's kids I would have been laughing without the crying. But somehow it never seems to be someone else's kids, they're mine and this circus that seems to follow us everywhere is getting exhausting.

No one likes the eye of judgment burning a hole through them. Our ward has just have an insane rash of new people move in. Just Great. Anyone that's been around a while knows we're trying with these kids but I'm not naive or stupid either. I'm exactly the kind of mom that people look at and think, "man why doesn't she discipline or something." I hate that. I can see that all too often it looks like these kids are running the show. I can't tell you how many times other moms of all girls or all girls and one boy have given me advice on how to "just tell them to do it" or "you just need to teach them to do it". It makes me want to scratch their eyes out. Don't you think I've thought of that one? We really are trying with all our might...we just happen to be failing at the moment. I did have a couple people who know how crazy these kids are check in with me later to make sure I was alright. Which also means my state of mind was pretty obvious too. Fun times.

Sorry no picture, although I do have one burned in my memory that will make me laugh...someday...maybe...I hope.

A Couple Kidisms

2010-09-18T16:41:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago I was walking into school with Gabriel. We passed an Asian couple coming out speaking their language. Next thing I hear is Gabriel mimicking what he heard.

I quickly responded with an, "Uh-uh that is not ok."

Gabriel disagreed and responded with, "Well, she was doing it."

(Mommy duh moment) I explained that they were speaking another language and it sounds different than ours.

He said, "Oh, we shouldn't copy it?"

No, if you want to speak like them you'll just have to learn how to speak it right.

All was well.

On a family trip to Wal-Mart Gabriel found a string or something to play with.

Backseat Conversation

Gabriel: Oooh look it's a heart!!

Garrett: That looks like a love heart. EEWW Gross!!

The stores always run out of Halloween costumes in Gabriel's size so this year we beat the rush. I showed Gabriel the pictures Stephen sent to my phone and he picked the Ninja. I asked if he wanted the black or red ninja?

He answered, "The red one so you can find me at night." Now, that's some logic for ya.

Stephen brought it home with the swords and weapons that went with it. I can't say I'm super thrilled with all the sword fighting going on, but they are boys I guess.

The winner of all the sword fighting???

L I N C O L N

Garrett: Did Garbriel come out of yours tummy?

Me: Yes

Garrett: Did I come out of yours tummy?

Me: Yep, so did you.

Garrett: Did Lincoln come out of yours tummy?

Me: Yeah, Lincoln did too.

Garrett: Our baby sister is in your tummy?

Me: Yep, see how big it is.

Garrett: Will she come out of yours tummy?

Me: I hope so.

Garrett: Who's tummy did you come out of?

Me: Nanny's.

Garrett: Who's tummy did Dad come out of?

Me: Dora's.

Garrett: (slightly suspicious face because we don't know anyone named Dora) Who's Dora?

Me: The lady who's tummy Daddy came out of.

Garrett: Oh, OK! (And he was off and running...er I mean jumping again.)

*We'll see how long it takes him to figure out that Grandma Joclair is Dad's Mommy but Dad came out of Dora's tummy. {;-D

He also loves to talk about someday when he's a Mommy and has a baby in his tummy.

Mariah Logic...

2010-09-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

I went in for my check up this last week. They put me on the scale and I took note that I've hit the top weight I'm allowed to hit during pregnancy. I picked a nice weight that is within the healthy pregnancy weight gain range and then decided that I'm N O T A L L O W E D to go over it...ever.

REASON 1 for her to come.

Then the nurse took my blood pressure, 120/70. That's not high according to a large majority of the world, but I'm always at 90/60. 120/70ish are the kind of numbers I start hitting right before giving birth.

REASON 2 for her to come.

The doctor came in and said all my tests, weight, and blood pressure looked good. "Hmphf!" I thought. He reviewed once more how to treat the anemia that I've developed with this little Monkey Wrench. I had hoped that iron supplements would help the weak feeling I get after I move. It's seriously ridiculous; I get up and walk across the house and my legs feel like I just ran a race. I can assure you that there is no running going on around here. :-) I seem to always have a completely exhausted, wiped out feeling in all my muscles. I've noticed an ever so little improvement since starting iron.

He then measured my B I G belly. While doing that he asked if this was a very active baby. I explained that this baby is very quiet...honestly it's kept me paranoid. She's gotten better about checking in with me a few times a day and letting me know all is well. She's kinda like a lava lamp. On the few occasions she moves during the day it's slow and mellow. His comment?? That's because she putting all her energy into growing. I didn't think much about it till he explained, I'm at 34 weeks but measuring 37 weeks (that would be full term size).

REASON 3 for her to come.

I questioned if it was actually her or if I was just getting fat...I'm acutely aware of how many chocolate milk shakes I've downed in an effort to reduce nausea. Every time I'm feeling crappy a chocolate shake makes it better. He said that it was indeed her not me. He told me to plan on over 9 pounds. Uh...um...NO, that would be bad. Just because I got Lincoln out at 8.3 doesn't mean I'm shootin' to see how big I can go. He said if she's still measuring that big in 2 weeks he'll send me in for a sonogram to see what's up and make sure she doesn't get so big she'll get stuck.

Speaking of getting stuck. I'm only taking 2 weeks off of work; which means I can't go giving birth to a one year old that's gonna tear me up and make recovery long and painful. It just cannot happen. Garrett was the smallest at 7.4 and his birth and recovery was fabulous. He came right out with a couple pushes, didn't do any damage to me, and I could sit and move comfortably within the week after he arrived. (My emotional state is another story entirely.) I need a small baby, and smooth delivery, in order to pull off the rest of this semester.

REASON 4 for her to come.

We finally get a girl and apparently football is in her future...I'm thinking linewoman.

REASON 5 for her to come.

It's dad gum stinkin' H O T still (like well over the 100 mark) and I'm sick of sweltering. It makes me grumpy you know. The summer will never end so that leads me to...

REASON 6 for her to come.

My maternity work clothes are starting to get pretty tight and will look absolutely ridiculous very soon. I'm NOT going to buy bigger ones (although I'd like to find another Sunday dress) just for the last month so obviously there's...

REASON 7 for her to come.

I'm only 34 weeks and her lungs are obviously not ready to meet the world....

And that's a great big REASON for her not to come. This one beats them all.

There you have it** Mariah Logic** can give you all kinds of reasons for her to come, but in the end she's just not ready yet. {sigh} I'll go climb in the wah-m-bulance that just pulled up to take me away. Maybe she'll have genius lungs that are advanced for her age and be ready to make a little bit of an early entrance.

Neighbors

2010-09-01T17:26:00.000-07:00

All of our neighbors are retired...on all sides of our house. They were a little worried when we initially moved in because we had a bunch of college guys helping us move our treasures. Once they realized we were newlyweds and it would only be the two of us living here I think they were relieved.

We all lived a quiet, nice little life of retirees and never home full time employees. They were and still are all friendly, with the exception of one that was recently rude so I've decided I don't like him anymore, and would ask how we were doing and always wave. Stephen has helped several of them with moving heavy things, etc. We had a great quiet little end of our street.

Then...

We brought home our screeching Gabriel. I felt bad leaving doors and windows open during swamp cooler season because I was worried all the neighbors would be bothered by the crying. They were all still nice to us anyway. The cute couple that lives right across the street from us are especially nice. They are a fun, super social, couple from New York. They've brought a cute little gift over after each of the boys arrived and send little Christmas gifts for the boys. Really we hit the jackpot with having them for neighbors, it's like the kids have a 3rd set of grandparents. Lincoln even waves and jabbers at them when he sees them. *Just a side note the wife has mentioned how bad she felt for me after Gabriel was born because she could hear him crying all the time. She said, "I told ---(husband) that baby must have awful colic or something with all the crying." So, I learned my concern that all the neighbors would hear the constant crying was valid. :-/ They still love us... and Gabriel...so all is well.

Recently, the husband came over for something. They hadn't noticed my ever expanding girth yet. He looked at my big ol' belly and exclaimed, "Whoa, what's that?" We kinda laughed and said it's what was planned for next April. He laughed, slapped Stephen on the shoulder and said, "Ha you dirty old man!!" It was hilarious! I wish I'd had a camera to catch Stephen's expression.

I still feel like the noisy intruders on our quiet end of the street. Now all the neighbors have to listen to the boys squabble and their mom yell at them. I'm sure it's a lovely thing for their golden years. We're working on bringing calm to the house and yard....for the benefit of all those in the surrounding areas. :-)

2010-08-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

I AM SO
SICK OF THIS DAD GUM FLAMING HEAT I COULD JUST SPIT....among other things that have crossed my mind.

My plants are withered and dead.
My house is a hot mess...literally both of those.
The devil himself left 3 weeks ago.
My little dears are hot and cranky.
My sparkling personality is a dream to be married to.
Ok, I'm done.
Time to put on my big girl pants....right after it cools off, till then only a shirt.

At Long Last...

2010-08-16T15:17:00.000-07:00

Stephen has been able to convince the new internet service to work, then with some more coaxing convinced my computer to be friends with it. I've been enjoying eating my bon bons and catching up on all my blogs.

Stephen's extended academy and first tour (yep I took a picture of his first day) continued till the Friday before school started. That meant we had the grand total of a Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning to enjoy our summer vacation. We squeezed in a trip to the new aquarium at Arizona Mills Mall and had lunch at Rain Forest Cafe. We bought a kid's meal for Gabriel; he wolfed it down in 5 minutes and was asking for more and more and more. I guess it's time to start ordering adult sized meals for him. He finished everyone else's meals as they got full. We've never taken the kids to an amusement park or done any of your typical vacation things so they have nothing to compare a day trip to the aquarium to; it was declared a vacation and we didn't let them know anything different. :-) My amazing aunt and uncle let us spend the night at their house despite the fact that they were flying out of town the next day at 5:00 AM. Our kids have fun memories of playing in their backyard and playroom and were as excited about seeing my aunt and uncle as they were about their "vacation" to the aquarium. They noticed the water park off I-60 and have asked for another vacation to there. How long you think we can pull off driving an hour and a half and have them think they're vacationing? Wednesday was 1st grade orientation. While we were all waiting to go in Gabriel started talking to a boy he knew from last year...this is what we heard:

Other boy: "I went to the beach and....(missed part of it, but listed several things he did)

Gabriel: (excitedly) "I went on vacation too!"

Other boy: "Where?!?"

Gabriel: "PHOENIX!"

Gabriel didn't have a reaction to the other boy's expression, so I've told myself he didn't notice it. What's a parent to do? We just smiled at each other. As the big boys talked to each other about their vacation we didn't correct them but always referred to visiting the aquarium. Now they're referring to going to the aquarium rather than vacationing to Phoenix. It makes us feel less lame. We did take pictures and I'll post some....someday.

Then Gabriel started school the next day, Thursday. We're having our usual schedule change behavior issues, but I've instituted a new policy that seems to be helping ever so slightly. He has been able to stay on GREEN since school stared. That tells me he's at least behaving there and saving all the naughty crap for his lucky momma at home. I'll take a well behaved kid in public and terror at home over the reverse any day. Although, he and Garrett have ZERO ability to control themselves and behave when they are together in public. Last year doing homework was painful. This year is going to be T O R T U R E, and we've only had one week's worth so far. Deep breaths and very limited amounts every day should make it work. I am happy to report that it's only the language stuff that's killing us, he flies through the math homework. Every time he tells me he's not smart because he can't read I remind him that there is plenty he can read (I remember clawing through it all last year) and that he's a lucky boy that got Dad's math brain. Math brains are good and something I'm jealous of. I'm not sure how to help him feel like a confident smart student in the subjects that are strengths while pushing him along in the other subjects. I guess that'll be this year's goal for myself. When I see other people making him feel dumb because of this reading stuff I want to scratch their eyes out. I'd love to beat 'em. I also have pictures of his first day that I'll post someday.

Garrett also started his second year of pre school. He's very disappointed he's not in kindergarten, but will just have to live with it. Academically he could probably handle kindergarten, but the whole sit in a chair for longer than a nano-second completely escapes him. I've often wished the boys had a switched birth order; Gabriel could really benefit from an older sibling learning stuff for him to pick up on. Garrett's teacher said it's been cute to watch him take the oldest student role. He needs to feel all grown up every now and then, it's good for him. He tells me all about what he learns everyday. I couldn't miss his first day and have a picture of that too. (wink wink you know how that'll go.)

Now, we're WAY last minute cramming a birthday party in for Gabriel. I've wanted to just scrap it so many times, but we told him he could have a "soldier" party and I can't bare crushing his little heart. He experiences enough crushing blows I want him to know that when his mom and dad tell him something he can depend on it.

Once that's done I think I've talked Stephen into helping get them all in for pictures. Garrett still hasn't had 4 year old pictures...yeah his birthday was in March. Just want to make sure he develops a healthy case of "middle child syndrome", poor kid. Gabriel is due for his 6 year old pictures, and that Lincoln is due for his 18 months pictures. Stephen manages the two not being pictured and sends them in one at a time. Then while I go through and pick what to order he takes them far, far away from me so I can think. IF they behave during that time they get ONE dollar to get a cheap toy from the dollar section.

That will take us right to my first day back to work. I have enormous amounts of anxiety about how to pull off this semester. I've never had to go back to work so quickly after the birth of a baby, but life is what it is and I'll have to be back a week later. I can't even begin to express how much I need the boys to step and do the things that they need to do ie. dressing themselves in the morning, sitting and eating breakfast without messing around. After a baby comes I'll have to be nursing and pumping while trying to get all 5 of us ready to leave the house for the day by 7:00 am. Am I nervous?? Y E S ! My income will depend a lot on them. I'm scared I'll fail horribly. I hate feeling like a failure. Knowing this was coming is why I instituted the "When It's Time" rule. When it's time to go, we load up and go. Gabriel has come very close to going to church in jammies and has gone with NO food or still hungry several times. He's slowly seeing that I'm not joking. When it's time to load up and go...that's exactly what we do. Garrett has run out of time a few times too. He's catching on more quickly. I'm hoping that this will help get us all to the places we need to be on time.

(DEEP BREATH) Here we go...

Well That Backfired!

2010-07-18T13:40:00.000-07:00

Stephen got a new calling a little while ago. He's now got meetings he needs to attend the whole morning before church, lots of paperwork stuff to do during church, and tithing/fast offerings/more paperwork stuff after church. I've been apprehensive about how this will all work out to say the least. In all honesty I doubt I'll EVER be even close to on time again.

This morning I decided it was time to lower the boom on these naughty big boys that are teaching Lincoln how to be a naughty boy. I got them bathed and into separate rooms to get dressed. I explained to each of them that they would not get a bite to eat till they were completely dressed for church; and, when it was time to leave we were loading up and driving off. Lincoln is dressed by me so he got a full breakfast and I squeezed in a quick bowl of Fruity Cheerios. Those things are SO good! Garrett got himself dressed and managed to slowly eat half a bowl of cereal. That kid eats SOOO S L O W, dinner can easily take him 3 hours. Poor little, helpless, gonna be 6 next week, Gabriel just couldn't get his own socks and shoes on. Ohhh, wah wah wah. He'd flung his socks all over his room in a fit and couldn't find one so he wah wah wahed about that for a while. Finally he found it then wah wah wahed about how he can't put his own shoes on. It was 8:40 when this was all going on; we have to leave at 8:50 to get there close to on time. I just quietly decided that I wasn't going to fight with him and he'd go to church in whatever state he was in. I truly believed I'd be taking a kid to church wearing one sock and no shoes. I had to laugh to myself because I knew this would be the Sunday they sang Happy Birthday to him in Primary and THAT would be hilarious to see.

He managed to get everything found and on just in time, but not in time to eat. He grabbed two baggies of snacks left from yesterday's trip to Thatcher and thought he'd eat them in the car. NO WAY!! I'm mean, hot, and T I R E D. He was going to live with this natural consequence and hopefully make better choices next Sunday. If he doesn't I should have a good picture. :-) He was only allowed to eat that food after he'd reverently walked out to the car at the end of church and gotten buckled in. Oh how I hope this makes an impression so that next week will be more efficient.

You may be thinking, "Uh why did we have to see a picture of your lovely summer pregnant feet?" In the process of giving my kids natural consequences I COMPLETELY forgot to put my own Sunday shoes on and that's what I ended up wearing to church today. Nice. Note to self hang the nice shoes on the door so you don't forget them and look like an idiot.

Thoughts on the Monsoon...

2010-07-15T16:52:00.000-07:00

I only had the camera in my phone...it does not do these justice.

I figure if I'm going to get ripped off on the rain at least we're sent some pretty sunsets.
This was a bright, vibrant, beautiful sunset!
We pulled over and all five of us sat there and watched it.

Oath

2010-07-15T16:06:00.000-07:00

Since I missed a MAJORITY of Stephen's graduation, when he told me about taking the oath in front of the board I decided to go. Yes, that made me weird and I was told that I'd be the only "regular person" at a fire board meeting. I was ok with that and promised to sit quietly and behave...which is much more than I can say for all the kids I farmed out. Gabriel was at his "summer school" classes. My mom took Garrett to swim lessons and Lincoln got to hang out at home with a babysitter.

I had to hurry to get there on time. It felt like I'd driven too far and missed the road somehow...just then I found the road. I parked one minute late, grabbed the ignition half of my keys and got in quickly. It was nice to be able to sit and watch him take his oath uninterrupted. After the oath I stayed for a little while to just see how the meeting went. I'm very glad I did. As each issue was discussed the board brought up very good questions, and the chiefs had very good explanations. It was very obvious that both the board members and chiefs try to make decisions based on the good of the community they serve, not their bottom line. I appreciated that that will be the employment environment Stephen will be working in. They were also honest, moral people that consider ethical ramifications of each decision. My Mr. Straight and Narrow will be a good fit in that kind of environment and I know that he'll never be asked to compromise his standards or do anything questionable. That's a comfort.

He's with a good district, and working with lots of good people. The meeting was actually pretty interesting. I loved watching the tact that was employed in describing a specific group...I think I would have used different descriptors. ;-)

At family night this was explained:
-We will risk our lives a lot for a life that is savable.

-We will risk our lives a little for property that is savable.

-We won't risk our lives for something that is already lost.

Safety is a BIG thing and knowing that he'll never be hurt or killed by running into an empty building that is already lost has brought peace to my mind. I'm struggling with several things with the kids right now. One day I thought I was about to break and had the terrible thought I could end up alone with them. My next thought was, "Oh no no no I was NOT sent single parent kind of kids." Knowing what a priority safety is brings comfort and calm to my mind.

As I left I discovered that I'd actually put the wrong half of my keys in my pocket. GRRRR! I was SO embarrassed as I walked back into the lobby. However, I did get to meet and chat with the receptionist...she's a really nice lady. She called a couple of the on duty firefighters over to help me. Have I mentioned how embarrassed I was. I didn't tell them who I was connected to, but they knew I was one of the new guy's wife. Poor Stephen is hitched to such a bumbling wife. They had the door popped open REALLY fast. The guy said, "I was a thief before I did this." Hilarious! I thanked them and they assured me that they wouldn't tell. {;-D That night when I told Stephen how fast they opened it he asked if I'd told them, "Wow last time I did this it took a lot longer to open it." That's a different story I'll tell you another day. Each key for that car costs nearly 100 bucks (bought online for cheaper) so obviously we don't have a spare. We'll be getting one of those very soon...because I'm bumbling and my brain is being sucked out at an alarming rate these days.

Long Ramblings on Graduation

2010-07-11T13:41:00.000-07:00

STEPHEN GRADUATED!!

It has been a grueling 14 weeks while Stephen completed the fire academy. About mid way through he told me that he ate lunch in his truck everyday so he could get some studying in. I felt bad that he had to sacrifice the camaraderie the guys that stayed inside were enjoying. Try as I might there was really no way to get any peace and quiet for him to study in at home. Once the book work was done he began eating lunch with the other guys. I was glad he got a few weeks. He did well academically, despite the lack of study time, so he led his group onto the stage for the badge pinning. Poor guy carried a heavier load here at home than I would've like, but when I'm pregnant I'm pretty much useless. He's always kind about it though.

Our camera didn't like the lighting so many of our pictures didn't turn out well...at all. I'm pretty sad about that. I wasn't able to get pictures of everything I wanted due to the 2 hour wrestling match I had with Lincoln. Now I discover not many of the few I did get didn't turn out. Grrr! This is a big thing; I wanted it well documented dang it. I'm blessed with the world's most amazing friends, one offered to take Lincoln for me....about an hour into it I was thinking, "Dang, I should have left this little critter." I wanted him in the pictures after...not thinking about all the pictures I'd miss in the meantime.
I guess normally the chief pins the badges on the new firefighters. The training officers talked about how important families are and as a nod to them each guy, and the one girl, got to choose who would pin them. Stephen chose me! You may think that's a given, but there was one guy that had his wife and dad fighting over who would get to do it. He never made the decision and just let them fight it out. I will tell you there was a very hurt wife from that situation. It made me sad to look into her eyes. Stephen thought it was crazy too and said, "The wife should always win in that situation." That's one of the many reasons I love him. I'm grateful I got to be part of such an important event. This night was the beginning of a new career, and life for us; we both got to be a part of it and that made it even more special.

The whole combined class. There were recruits from 3 different agencies represented. This was kind of a record breaking effort in collaboration. The 3 agencies pooled resources and had a combined academy. It's hard to see the sculptures in the middle of them, but one of the recruits made each of those bases. The red thing hanging in the middle is each department's emblem...hand crafted by him. He did an amazing job!

That Stephen of mine is a smart guy, he had to speak for a few minutes, because he was Valedictorian. He'll kill me if he knows I told, shhh. I was standing in the lobby with Lincoln, when he saw Dad and I wouldn't put him down to run to him that Lincoln got mad and LOUD. So, I missed part of Stephen's speaking part too. I had my Dad running the camcorder and oh how I pray nothing went wrong with it. I haven't had the time to check it yet. What I did hear was great. By the end of the night Lincoln would have NOTHING to do with me. He wanted to cuddle his Dad and that was final. These boys sure love their Dad.

Here's the reason I decided to haul all three kids with me. I wanted the family picture at the end of the night. Stephen said I looked like I was mourning because I wore black. I explained that it was navy blue and not black and that I'm pregnant and limited on what I can wear. A large portion of my maternity clothes are dark solid colors because that's what I have to wear for work. A large portion of my regular clothes are also dark solid colors. I was working full time when I was pregnant with Gabriel and most of these clothes were purchased, thus the dark solid color. He said he didn't care but noticed that most of the other wives were in bright little sundresses. I then pointed out that I can't wear cute bright sundresses even when I'm not pregnant. :-) I had wanted to try to get out and get a new outfit that was brighter colored, but that ain't gonna happen with the boys in tow. Oh well, it is what it is. At least we all made it and I think the navy coordinated with his clothes quite nicely. :-D

Now he has a year of probation. I have more anxiety about that than I did about the academy. During that probation time all they have to do is not like you and declare you're not a good fit to get rid of you. That's a little scary. He's good at getting along with others, understands the rookie hoops he'll be jumping through, and is conscious of what and how he says things. Everything should work out, I'm just high strung and a worrier. **His shift is the one that works Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's...Here's to the Rookie.** The kids are young and won't even notice a change in day. :-)

You can't really see Lincoln's jammies...they have fire trucks on them and glow in the dark. They are hand me downs from Gabriel. *Side Note: When Garrett wore these jammies the glow in the dark FREAKED him out and we had to put them on inside out.* I just thought it was funny that those are the jammies he's wearing considering where we'd just come from. The other day Stephen asked, "what's up with all the firefighters outfits?" I can honestly say they're all from when Gabriel was this size. I just thought they were cute and bought them...6 years ago. Which coincidentally is about the first time this career crossed Stephen's mind.

Many years ago he thought this looked like a career he'd like. He did a little research into it, but nothing like he did before he applied for this job, and kept it in the back of his mind. He was crazy busy with work and school at the time...and babies shortly after that...and wasn't able to pursue it. Well, work stopped and he wasn't crazy busy anymore. I've learned there's a fine line to tread during employment transitions. I felt I needed to support him in his endeavors, but at the same time didn't want to encourage the beating of a dead career horse. Fortunately, he still had this in the back of his mind and when he was ready to let go of some dreams, worked through the feelings a bread winner has to work through, and take a leap in a TOTALLY different direction, he was willing to do it with all he had. In order to make a sound, informed decision he called and talked extensively with every firefighter he knew (including one call to Idaho). He spent many hours on the internet reading things from leadership within the industry. Once he decided he was going to apply he spent several more hours researching and learning about the two departments that were hiring. We were blessed that these two departments made a change and only required applicants to be EMT certified. That meant he took a 4 week, INTENSE, EMT course at the beginning of the year. From that he had a month-ish of interviews with a heavy dose of praying (meanwhile his wife was discovering she was pregnant) and she added another heavy dose of praying. Then we waited for a call, and she finally told him about the new one on the way. We couldn't believe he'd gotten on. It's normally a long process of repeated tries to get on with a fire department, we were prepared for that and brought to tears, ok I was, when he actually got on. Within a couple of weeks he started the academy and has been doing that for the last 14 weeks. His department just added on two more weeks of training...puts some kinks in a couple plans, but we'll adjust, he has a job after all. Getting him employed has been pretty much all we've done this year. He's happy and ready to work. We're happy and ready to have a life back.

This morning Garrett said, "Dad, someday you'll be a firefighter." Stephen responded, "I am a firefighter." Garrett laughed and said, "No you're not! You're a person."

Yes, he is a person, a great husband, Dad, and human being. It's nice to have the less stressed Stephen back.

"It's A Dry Heat"

2010-06-30T09:59:00.001-07:00

This morning while dropping Gabriel off at school...at 8:00 am...I noticed it was already hot. I was relieved that I'd left the cooler on before we left.

When we got home and opened the door we weren't met with the cool rush of air and I expected, "Dang, I thought I'd turned that cooler on." I ran back to switch it on, and discovered that, I wasn't crazy, it was running. I believe the "dry heat" has left. {:-/

Happy Monsoon.

It better rain on me. I get irritable when it gets humid and I can see the clouds raining everywhere but my part of town. As long as I get a nice rain at the end of the day I can get through the rest of the day. Gotta go...time to start my rain dance.

Good News, Bad News...

2010-06-29T17:48:00.000-07:00

Good News: Our health and dental insurance cards arrived in the mail last week and I made A LOT of appointments to get us caught up on everything that we've had on hold.

Bad News: (but really it's me being a wuss) I'm now driving to a lot of appointments in 185 degree heat...ok I exaggerated...a little.

Good News: The big boys did fantastic for their first trip to the dentist, even the older one that I was a little worried about.

More Good News: The office is close to our house!

Bad News: Gabriel has 5, count them 5, cavities and Garrett has 2.

Good News: The new insurance will cover a ton of it.

Bad News: Gabriel has some serious issues with needles. Stephen has to hold him down for a puny flu shot. Cavity repair is going to be difficult for all of us involved. I asked for a tranquilizer to give him. Funny how they don't give those for kids.

Good News: I took them to a pediatric dentist in hopes that it'd be a good fit, and THEY LOVED IT! It was a way child friendly office. Each kid got to pick the kind of sunglasses to wear while their teeth were cleaned and given a mirror so they could watch what was going on. Garrett had some major build up that had to be removed; he sat there calmly playing a game and didn't seem to notice a thing. Later the dentist told me it's just something that some kids get and to just make sure he's in every 6 months. Gabriel was satisfied with the explanation of how they will fix his 5, count them 5, cavities. Both kids loved the goody bags, stickers and prize they got to pick with their token. This place was a hit. Once again, we have been blessed with finding a good medical fit for our kiddos.

Bad News/Good News: I have 4 more visits to get all the cavities fixed. They only work on one quadrant at a time. That's a good thing for the kids and will prevent any kind of dentist apprehension, but means I have to schedule 4 more visits.

Good News: I have a phenomenal husband!

Bad News: Apparently his cavity prone teeth are genetically dominant. (The O N L Y dominant feature I have is my severe myopia! The kids can thank me for that later.)

Good News: In two weeks when he's out of the academy he gets to go in and find out how many cavities he's developed in the last few uninsured years, AND get them fixed. I just went in and am proud to say I'm still cavity free...and have NEVER had one. I don't have much I can brag about so this will have to do. :-)

Random Note: There was another mom there with a 5 year old girl. She looked at me and said, "I don't know how you do it with two at the same time." I chuckled and said there's one more taking a nap at Grandma's right now (then thought about all my friends with more and thought I don't know how they do it). I explained it is very noisy, destructive and a high energy kind of environment. She said she struggles with her one child "and she's an easy one". She then asked how long I've been in the area. I assumed she meant the city we live in and responded since 1992. She said, "wow I can't detect any kind of accent what so ever." Then I realized what she really meant. I told her that I was born and raised here in good ol' Arizona, but had moved around within the state. Stephen and I are truly anomalies (sp?); we were both born and raised in the state. It's surprising how many times I get questioned about where I'm from because of the lack of accent. I should be a news anchor, they wouldn't have to teach me how to talk first. ;-)

*The dentist was great, very patient and good with the kids. When they were all done she came over and talked with me about a few things. She was very surprised to find any cavities because the kid's gums and teeth appeared to be in such good shape. Since they were babies I've invested a pretty good chunk of money in the fluoride water at the store. She was the second Dr. to confirm that our water does NOT have sufficient amounts of fluoride in it. I have a shelf and when it goes on sale I fill the shelf up...sometimes I feel silly spending money on water, but it's good I did. I'm glad I haven't been wasting my money. Although, our cavity count would send a different message. She asked how many kids I have; I answered 3 boys. She smiled, she has 2 boys, and then talked about dental trauma in boys. It was actually really good information; like if a tooth is knocked completely out then put it back in. This grossed me out, so she said to put it in milk and call them to let them know that we were on the way for THEM to put it back in. She explained that boys have the ability to internally and externally injure themselves and to have the ER or Urgent care take care of them first (have a plastic surgeon fix the external injuries) then have them do the dental work after. She's suspicious that part of the cause for Gabriel's many cavities might be all of the soy/dairy free alternatives. I'm checking to see what the sugar content of rice milk, cheese, and coconut yogurt is. Gabriel whispered in my ear, "Will I have to get a shot?" I told him to ask the dentist how they fix cavities. He did, and she had a very good way to explain it, so I'm not going to have a fight on my hands...at least for the first time. ;-)

I'm, once again, SO happy we've been able to find a fantastic place to take care of the kids. I feel very confident that the kids will be comfortable with trips to get their teeth cleaned. I've never had any issues with the dentist and really wanted the same for my kids. Woo-Hoo.

Moving Out

2010-06-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

All packed up.

Front pocket.

Main pocket.

After I'd had it yesterday and banished the big boys to their bedroom, Gabriel came out with his backpack filled and announced, "I'm moving out!"

I had to laugh because he didn't want to run away, but to move out. Notice he only packed toys no clothes, or food or any of those handy move out items. He's been informing his brothers that he's the oldest so he's really just like Mom and Dad. We keep trying to correct him and reinforce the concept that he's still a kid and needs to let us do the correcting. So far it hasn't stuck. I cringe every time I tell him I'm the Mommy not you...because...I've heard the same thing directed to me so many times. ;-/ Most of the time he's getting on them about something legitimate, but I already know all the answers so don't need help. (wink wink)

Today he decided he'll go ahead and stay for a few years.

Speaking of moving, every time he sees a commercial, for one of the home builders around town, advertising the great prices to take some of their homes off their hands; he'll look over at me with the biggest excited smile ever and say, "HEY let's go MOM! Let's move into a new house!" He really thinks it'd be great to move into a new house. Someday he will definitely get his wish...

Breaks

2010-06-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

I used to live for breaks from school/work. I loved Rodeo Break, Christmas Break, the random Friday off, and most of all Summer Break. I got to hang out with Stephen, get out and do some fun stuff, and could get a few things done that had been hanging around.

Those days are gone; I D O N O T like breaks anymore!

I'll spare you the details of why I don't like them anymore, but I will say I miss Stephen, I miss feeling useful and like I accomplished something, I miss regular showers, and I miss myself. There is not even a shadow of the girl I used to be left around here. I've seen pictures...I wasn't that bad. Where did I go? This tired worn out hag has worn out her welcome; not to mention, she's a lousy mom and housekeeper. Stink!

Here's to another horribly HOT 110 degree day tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that won't help my disposition much. Mainly because at that temperature everything in the backyard is too hot to touch...meaning everyone is inside...our little house.

2010-06-17T17:31:00.001-07:00

We're going to have to replace a few things that have worn out (and I have a couple wants) so I was doing some pricing, after that I let myself venture into the pink section. I was just lookin'.

I made a discovery...you can coordinate sandals with sunhats and hair accessories, etc.
Who knew??
No, I didn't buy anything I was just lookin' and stuck to the lookin'.

So, I declare, I told a big fat lie when I told Stephen girls are like boys in the the shoe department. One pair of Sunday shoes, one pair of sandals and one pair of tennis shoes is definitely NOT enough. He's so lucky he didn't make this girl a few years ago. I know how much buying I did for the older boys I won't even venture a guess as to the amount stuff we'd have if I'd had a girl back then. :-) As it has settled in that a baby is really coming and said baby is a girl it's kind of getting exciting. Still a little weird, but an exciting weird. Crazy times....

Little Linc-A-Doo

2010-06-14T14:29:00.000-07:00

We're still having issues convincing this child to eat. On Sunday he grabbed a potato and thought he was pretty cool.

He was actually eating on it so we let him go to town. He didn't eat the whole thing, but got some down at least. Whatever floats his boat I guess.

He loves when I clean his ears after a bath. Weird. I have to keep a really close eye on him now because he tries to clean his own ears....pretzel sticks, spoons, whatever he can manage to try to get in there. This has got no where but a visit to the doctor to go.

All three boys have gone through a stage that they make a perfect little 'O' with their mouths. I've tried and tried to catch it with a camera. I guess third times a charm! I was so excited that I actually caught it.

This boy continues to scare me everyday with his climbing EVERYTHING. Gabriel tells me right away, but Garrett never does I'll just hear him start laughing and know it's time to run and rescue Lincoln again. Scary.