"Blue" Shots

You know those moms you'd hear bribe their kids....
"If you ________, I'll give you________.

Yeah, those. I'm one of them...now. I didn't used to be because they "could just behave/get over it/do it/etc..."

I don't bribe for everything mind you, just the stuff I don't want to deal with. I so desperately want to avoid THREE in diapers. Lincoln is currently being bribed with candy every time he pees in the potty and still has dry pants. I'm begging and bribing with a sucker (the holy grail of all candy to him) if he poops in the potty.

I relented to the whole bribing idea in dealing with our Gabriel. He was just fine for shots then one day flipped. He's been out of his mind psycho every since. After the day I learned I was no longer strong enough to hog tie him I started bribing with one item from the 99 (hey there's no cents sign anymore) cents store. It worked pretty well as long as Dad was there to keep him in line.

Today I took all four of them, by myself, for "blue" (flu) shots. First Gabriel convinced his teacher that he was supposed to go to the the after school program even though he knows that's only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So I had to hunt him down at the end of school. Then we got to the doctor's office and THREE of the four were asleep. I wanted to cry, if that many were asleep at home I'd have my tired butt in bed too. I told him to get out and carry Lynneah so I could carry a still sleeping Lincoln. He refused. It took over 15 minutes to get him out of the van. By that time BOTH little kids were crying. Grrrrr! He carried Lynneah to the door then refused to go in it. I was ready to lose my mind and hadn't even gotten in the door yet. He finally, reluctantly, went in when I told him she wanted to play with the toys. He crawled under the little corner table while I did all the check in paperwork. I figured he'd cool down and get a grip. NO SUCH LUCK! They called us back, and all the kids went....EXCEPT the psycho under the table. It took another good 10 minutes to get him pried from under there. He was flinging himself around and throwing a complete tantrum. After he got into the room he hid in the corner behind the examination table. The nurse came in and I could hear him crying AGAIN. Lynneah went first; she's a baby and cried for a minute but settled down quickly. Garrett was next. Dang! We're good at distraction, he didn't cry at all. Lincoln was next. Of course he cried but his "bown bankie" and fruit snacks solved the world's problems for him.

Then...

It was Gabriel's turn. He wouldn't come out. So there I am, obviously pregnant, prying my 7 year old out of the corner. RIDICULOUS!! He started scream/crying. That's the type of crying I'm completely intolerant of. It makes me crazy. I grabbed his arm and started pulling him out. He bit me and kicked me. I wanted to...well that's for me to know... Once I got his big ol' gangly body out of the corner he continued to scratch, bite, kick and claw at me. Just to top it all off he started pulling on my shirt. He's lucky he didn't mess it up because it's one of the solid colored ones I can use for work. It took three of us to hog tie him on the bed and get the shot in. I broke a sweat for a 4 second shot. Oh I was fuming mad.

So, what's a bribing mom to do? The rest got to go to the dollar store and pick something while he watched. Then I bought myself a small blizzard. (Dairy Queen is in the same parking lot.) When he questioned why I got ice cream I reminded him that I had behaved and didn't strangle him while he beat the crud out of me. Then I took the two little boys to Sonic for 1.79 kid's meals and let him watch again. He'll be getting peanut butter and jelly with water for dinner.

What lesson can be learned from this?
*Some kids are bribable, others are NOT.
*Empathy, lots of empathy, for the moms struggling with an out of control kid in public. It's embarrassing and makes you feel like an utter parenting failure. I knew I couldn't back down...especially with him...but really wanted to throw in the towel, crawl in a cave and die.
*More importantly I. WILL. N E V E R. DO. SHOTS. WITH. HIM. AGAIN....E V E R R R R! It will be a Dad job from now on.


These little buggers better not get sick after all this...

I Know It's Obvious...

"Giggles" has been on the way for a while now.

She also happens to be a girl.

The ultrasound showed:

*Clearly defined and intact diaphragm with light grey lung tissue above and darker grey bowel below...just like it's supposed to be. Stomach was in the right place and looked fine.

*Four chambered heart pumping strongly and regularly. This was the clearest I've ever seen all four chambers...pretty cool.

*Head developed well with all the structures that should be there and good measurement around the skull.

*Spine aligned well and inside the skin line.

*Nose, lip and chin with no visible cleft.

*It was very clearly a girl.

*All measurements support the due date I've been given of FEBRUARY 29 aka Leap Day.
This is the first time I've actually wanted to make it all the way to the due date because that would be a cool birthday. As long as it's not on Lincoln's birthday. What kid wants to share a birthday with a sibling?!?

In response to the raised eyebrows.

She happened before, wait, let me be more clear on that
*B E F O R E*
Stephen joined the ranks of the 9.1% of Americans currently unemployed. I'm not a fan of cranking out a baby when we can barely scrape by, but they just keep coming. That whole "well at least we have a job" wasn't much comfort a month later when it became a moot point! The female body was not made to crank out three kids in three years; it just wasn't.

Yes, she will be very close in age to Lynneah. I will have 2 months of a newborn and a 16 month old, not old enough to go to nursery yet, at church.

No, I didn't think, "Hey one baby with health problems, a big kid with reading problems, another big kid that doesn't feel loved, and a 2 year old physcho, is a ton of work let's throw another one in the mix." Like I said they just keep coming. I could've really used a break to recover physically, and emotionally.

How are we feeling about it all? Well, I'm married to a good man that is the epitome of self mastery...he's processing well. I, however, do not have any of the self mastery stuff. I have deeply rooted anger, along with a barrage of other overwhelming emotions, that have been carefully suppressed and wrapped in apathy. I will deal with those later when I actually have the time to face them. When I do unwrap a bit of the apathy and take a peek I see clearly what a total and complete wreck I truly am. We had so many issues thrown at us in such rapid succession we couldn't work through and recover from one before another came hurtling at us. Emotions? They will stay suppressed....

Anger will be the hardest...letting it go means condoning it. I DON'T and WON'T excuse it; IT WAS NOT OK! This anger penetrates the depths of my soul. I'm having the angriest dreams I've ever had. Sometimes there's a face to unleash my wrath on sometimes it's just a restless kind of anger...Either way it's deep and oh so very real.

I have been blessed with a job that helped me develop a great ability to smile and present an "everything is ok" facade. I am happy about that. I'm also happy that I have enough earning power to keep things like that pesky mortgage paid. I can't imagine being in this boat and earning minimum wage...that would stink...and require three times the hours I'm putting in now. I miss my Fridays off and working a reasonable number of hours per week. The list of things going by the wayside is extensive because I'm just flat out too tired to care.

They say you won't be given more than you can bear...I have serious doubts about that.

What a bum deal little Giggles is getting!!

Ever Had One of Those Days....

When things just didn't seem to turn out the way you'd expected?


It's a long drop to the other side of that tub. ;-)

Desert Heater

After a fun filled afternoon of drowning bugs and "watering" mom's plants, what's a boy to do?

Strip as close to naked as possible and enjoy the radiating warmth of the pavers. Such a little problem solver...

You can tell it's "Fall" around here because contact with said pavers can be made without 3rd degree burns...

He was shivering like crazy, had bluish lips, and asking to play longer the whole time I was getting his clothes off.