"Giggles" has been on the way for a while now.
She also happens to be a girl.
The ultrasound showed:
*Clearly defined and intact diaphragm with light grey lung tissue above and darker grey bowel below...just like it's supposed to be. Stomach was in the right place and looked fine.
*Four chambered heart pumping strongly and regularly. This was the clearest I've ever seen all four chambers...pretty cool.
*Head developed well with all the structures that should be there and good measurement around the skull.
*Spine aligned well and inside the skin line.
*Nose, lip and chin with no visible cleft.
*It was very clearly a girl.
*All measurements support the due date I've been given of FEBRUARY 29 aka Leap Day.
This is the first time I've actually wanted to make it all the way to the due date because that would be a cool birthday. As long as it's not on Lincoln's birthday. What kid wants to share a birthday with a sibling?!?
In response to the raised eyebrows.
She happened before, wait, let me be more clear on that
*B E F O R E*
Stephen joined the ranks of the 9.1% of Americans currently unemployed. I'm not a fan of cranking out a baby when we can barely scrape by, but they just keep coming. That whole "well at least we have a job" wasn't much comfort a month later when it became a moot point! The female body was not made to crank out three kids in three years; it just wasn't.
Yes, she will be very close in age to Lynneah. I will have 2 months of a newborn and a 16 month old, not old enough to go to nursery yet, at church.
No, I didn't think, "Hey one baby with health problems, a big kid with reading problems, another big kid that doesn't feel loved, and a 2 year old physcho, is a ton of work let's throw another one in the mix." Like I said they just keep coming. I could've really used a break to recover physically, and emotionally.
How are we feeling about it all? Well, I'm married to a good man that is the epitome of self mastery...he's processing well. I, however, do not have any of the self mastery stuff. I have deeply rooted anger, along with a barrage of other overwhelming emotions, that have been carefully suppressed and wrapped in apathy. I will deal with those later when I actually have the time to face them. When I do unwrap a bit of the apathy and take a peek I see clearly what a total and complete wreck I truly am. We had so many issues thrown at us in such rapid succession we couldn't work through and recover from one before another came hurtling at us. Emotions? They will stay suppressed....
Anger will be the hardest...letting it go means condoning it. I DON'T and WON'T excuse it; IT WAS NOT OK! This anger penetrates the depths of my soul. I'm having the angriest dreams I've ever had. Sometimes there's a face to unleash my wrath on sometimes it's just a restless kind of anger...Either way it's deep and oh so very real.
I have been blessed with a job that helped me develop a great ability to smile and present an "everything is ok" facade. I am happy about that. I'm also happy that I have enough earning power to keep things like that pesky mortgage paid. I can't imagine being in this boat and earning minimum wage...that would stink...and require three times the hours I'm putting in now. I miss my Fridays off and working a reasonable number of hours per week. The list of things going by the wayside is extensive because I'm just flat out too tired to care.
They say you won't be given more than you can bear...I have serious doubts about that.
What a bum deal little Giggles is getting!!
She happened before, wait, let me be more clear on that
*B E F O R E*
Stephen joined the ranks of the 9.1% of Americans currently unemployed. I'm not a fan of cranking out a baby when we can barely scrape by, but they just keep coming. That whole "well at least we have a job" wasn't much comfort a month later when it became a moot point! The female body was not made to crank out three kids in three years; it just wasn't.
Yes, she will be very close in age to Lynneah. I will have 2 months of a newborn and a 16 month old, not old enough to go to nursery yet, at church.
No, I didn't think, "Hey one baby with health problems, a big kid with reading problems, another big kid that doesn't feel loved, and a 2 year old physcho, is a ton of work let's throw another one in the mix." Like I said they just keep coming. I could've really used a break to recover physically, and emotionally.
How are we feeling about it all? Well, I'm married to a good man that is the epitome of self mastery...he's processing well. I, however, do not have any of the self mastery stuff. I have deeply rooted anger, along with a barrage of other overwhelming emotions, that have been carefully suppressed and wrapped in apathy. I will deal with those later when I actually have the time to face them. When I do unwrap a bit of the apathy and take a peek I see clearly what a total and complete wreck I truly am. We had so many issues thrown at us in such rapid succession we couldn't work through and recover from one before another came hurtling at us. Emotions? They will stay suppressed....
Anger will be the hardest...letting it go means condoning it. I DON'T and WON'T excuse it; IT WAS NOT OK! This anger penetrates the depths of my soul. I'm having the angriest dreams I've ever had. Sometimes there's a face to unleash my wrath on sometimes it's just a restless kind of anger...Either way it's deep and oh so very real.
I have been blessed with a job that helped me develop a great ability to smile and present an "everything is ok" facade. I am happy about that. I'm also happy that I have enough earning power to keep things like that pesky mortgage paid. I can't imagine being in this boat and earning minimum wage...that would stink...and require three times the hours I'm putting in now. I miss my Fridays off and working a reasonable number of hours per week. The list of things going by the wayside is extensive because I'm just flat out too tired to care.
They say you won't be given more than you can bear...I have serious doubts about that.
What a bum deal little Giggles is getting!!
6 comments:
For the last 5 years I've also wondered about that saying "You won't be given more than you can handle" and my conclusion is: The Lord thinks much higher of us then we do of ourselves. That is the only explanation. I know what it is like to suppress so many emotions, though it not healthy to do so, which is why a bit leaks out from time to time.
But on the up side. I am so glad little Lynneah is getting a sister. I had to wait 13 and 22 years to get mine. And I love them dearly, but those growing up years with ONLY brothers was difficult at times. So yay! for a sister close in age!!! AND, I am so glad to hear that everything checked out so well. That makes me super happy!
Hang in there Mariah! You are surrounded by those who love you (me included), so when times get too tough to bear, please don't hesitate to give us a call!!! *Hugs*
Congratulations!!! My oldest two are the same distance apart as your girls will be. I love it! They are best of friends. Andie handled it really well, but she is the oldest - so it might make a difference.
I hope/pray that Stephen will find another job soon! Bummer man! Can he apply for unemployment to get any help, income wise? Like it's said, "It will all work out!" but hopefully sooner rather than later!!
Hang in there! As hard as it is to find time - give yourself some me time! A pedicure, girls night, a nice long bath! SOMETHING - it always seems to help me out!
Congratulations? I guess? Maybe these two girls were meant to be twins, but that didn't work out, so now they will just be really close together...hahaha.
Well, I agree with Brianna. I think the Lord thinks more highly of us than we do of ourselves, and He is convinced we have more strength than we think we have. And, yes, it's not healthy to suppress emotions. Let it all out, so you can actually deal with it. And send your kids over to my brother Reed's house, so you can get a break!
Seriously, sometimes I want to ask the Lord, "Is this your way of making things BETTER?!" But in those quiet moments when I feel His love and remember I can trust Him, I get the courage to press forward another day. You can do it, Mariah!
So, my mom told me about ur "predicament" a few weeks ago. And let me just say. I understand. I felt so cheated when I found out we were prego with dan, our last, the 5th. Although mine don't have some of the challenges that yours do, I can still relate to the quickness. My first are 19months apart, then 28 months between 2 and 3 and then 20 months betweem, 3-4 and another 20 months between 4-5. Let's just say I ultimatly told Larry that if he wanted a SANE wife, we needed to stop having kids. He agreed. And let me tell you, we can't imagine our family without #5 and I feel much relief to know we are PERMANTELY done having kids. I hope you will get there some day too. But I do have to admit I probably went around saying plenty of cuss words for about most of my last pregnancy. :) Good luck!! I'm glad the girls will be able to be close together and be good friends!
congrats and good luck. i look at my life and think the lord knew i couldn't handle much. you are strong and the lord knows what you can handle. you'll make it through a stronger person and family. let the emotions out before you implode, though.
I feel for you and this very busy, frustrating time of life BUT, believe it or not, it will pass all too soon,and you'll find yourself longing for the days when the kids were little. Do the best you can each day to make sure they're fed, dressed (doesn't matter in what), and taught to be kind to others. They make choose otherwise, but you've taught them. You'll make it and so will they.
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