Just for me

So much is running through my mind, I just need to get some of it out to clear space for other stuff.

There have been times in life when we could see the sequence of events that need to occur to "have things work out right". Despite our best efforts to set things in motion to accomplish the above mentioned sequence it always seemed to be yanked out from under us every time we got within grasping distance...just right there...so close...a little more effort/faith/work...aaaaand it evaporated. I'm eviler (yes, that's a word) than Stephen and each time I got frustrated and angry. He always says it doesn't do any good to get mad and moves on. I AM allowed to feel emotions, by dang it, and will continue to. He does possess emotions, I've had glimpses of them, but they are definitely not the driving force in his life. Girls and boys are different...

Big life changers come along whether you're ready for them or not. I'm learning that even when you know it's coming life doesn't always allow you to prepare the way you want. That's an odd feeling, like standing on the tracks watching the train come hurtling toward you, but you can't move. Following a new life changer, a clearly defined sequence unfolded in our minds, we starting working at it...it began to evaporate again. I cried, then I prayed, then I cried and prayed. Then we started working again. After lots of phone calls and thinking and more phone calls and thinking it looks like it might work. Maybe.

Must have faith, must have faith, must have faith...

Do I dare hope? I don't know...  Hope causes trouble....LOTS of trouble. If it does work out I'll update.

P.S. No, I'm not pregnant.

Kenzie is up to 8 lbs 11 oz. She's still a pretty lousy eater but we're making it work somehow and she's growing! :-) Growing is good, although, I will miss her curled up on my chest as she grows. That girl wants to be curled into a tiny little ball and sleeping on my chest. It would be fun to just stretch out on a recliner and hold her all day. She should have pushed Gabriel out of the way if that's what she wanted, waiting till five doesn't really allow it.