Today was the first time I was really faced with following through on our new house rule:
"When it's time, it's time!"
Stephen left for his early morning meetings at 6:20...I was still "sleeping" although the noisy kids that were already awake made that very difficult. I gave up and lumbered out of bed to reports of who hit whose eye and rebuttals (I have no idea if that's really how you spell it) on who started it by hitting or scratching or something along those lines. I immediately heard my Dad's voice singing, "There is beauty all around. Let us oft speak kind words to each other, especially to sister and brother." Yes, these are two completely different songs, but those are the two lines that were sung to us oh so many times growing up. I don't have any recollection of actually singing the second song till after we moved to Tucson when I was 13. I will never forget the day I was sitting in Sacrament meeting and that was one of the songs for the day. To this day I don't like either of those songs. Anyway, we started singing and all of a sudden I realized I was singing different words than the rest of the congregation. HE'D MADE UP THE WHOLE ESPECIALLY TO BROTHER AND SISTER PART! But I digress....
These boys are lucky that Dad got up before me because my Sunday rule is no breakfast till you're completely dressed and ready to walk out the door for church. I say they're lucky because Dad had already fed them. Lincoln and I got showered and ate by 7:30. At 7:50 I gave each of the older boys their Sunday clothes for today. At 8:15 I reminded them that when it was time to leave for church they were going in whatever they were wearing. They continued with their games of hide-n-seek, building pillow forts, fist fights, and NOT putting any Sunday clothes on. Lincoln and I were good little people and were all dressed and ready to go by 8:30. At 8:45 I gathered all the shirts, socks, shoes, and ties into a little backpack because I figured Stephen would want to finish dressing them. Well, along came 8:50 (remember that's the absolute latest we can leave and be close to on time) and I announced it was time to load up and get buckles on. I got a couple, "I'm not dressed" and "I'm still half naked" comments. I reminded them that when it's time to go we're gonna leave. So, the little half naked critters went to the van and got buckled. Gabriel was lucky his shirt was on but not buttoned so he was able to finish that up during the drive.
Garrett was very quiet there in his booster seat wearing nothing but his Sunday pants. As I pulled into the parking lot I hear, "Well, I couldn't get dressed because Gabriel was bothering me." It had sunk in that he was at church with very little on.
I gave Stephen the backpack of clothes and excused myself for a little cry/laugh. I was crying because, really had we gotten to this point? Are my kids really this out of control? How can I possibly suck this bad and parenting? How the heck do I get through to the them that just because Dad's not home they can't turn into naughty, psycho terrors? And, the fact that I didn't want to get dressed and go anywhere, I was not excited about subbing with the Sunbeams, I'm miserable at church because it's so flaming HOT every Sunday, and it feels like years since church has provided the edification that makes it worth all the effort of getting there. I was teetering on the brink...
I was laughing because really who takes their kids out in public like that? It's not like I was on the way to Wal-Mart where you can get away with that kind of stuff. What kind of mother doesn't even have the decency to fully clothe her kids before church? And last but not least, their state of dress in combination with the facial expressions was just darn funny. If it'd been someone else's kids I would have been laughing without the crying. But somehow it never seems to be someone else's kids, they're mine and this circus that seems to follow us everywhere is getting exhausting.
No one likes the eye of judgment burning a hole through them. Our ward has just have an insane rash of new people move in. Just Great. Anyone that's been around a while knows we're trying with these kids but I'm not naive or stupid either. I'm exactly the kind of mom that people look at and think, "man why doesn't she discipline or something." I hate that. I can see that all too often it looks like these kids are running the show. I can't tell you how many times other moms of all girls or all girls and one boy have given me advice on how to "just tell them to do it" or "you just need to teach them to do it". It makes me want to scratch their eyes out. Don't you think I've thought of that one? We really are trying with all our might...we just happen to be failing at the moment. I did have a couple people who know how crazy these kids are check in with me later to make sure I was alright. Which also means my state of mind was pretty obvious too. Fun times.
Sorry no picture, although I do have one burned in my memory that will make me laugh...someday...maybe...I hope.
I'm done with the fighting and power struggles. I'm not going to fight with a 4 and 6 year old. They can listen and obey or they can live with the consequences. If they don't learn at this age that Mom and Dad aren't joking I don't even want to think about the teen years. We now tell them what needs to be done and they can choose to do it or not and live with the consequences.
Stephen left for his early morning meetings at 6:20...I was still "sleeping" although the noisy kids that were already awake made that very difficult. I gave up and lumbered out of bed to reports of who hit whose eye and rebuttals (I have no idea if that's really how you spell it) on who started it by hitting or scratching or something along those lines. I immediately heard my Dad's voice singing, "There is beauty all around. Let us oft speak kind words to each other, especially to sister and brother." Yes, these are two completely different songs, but those are the two lines that were sung to us oh so many times growing up. I don't have any recollection of actually singing the second song till after we moved to Tucson when I was 13. I will never forget the day I was sitting in Sacrament meeting and that was one of the songs for the day. To this day I don't like either of those songs. Anyway, we started singing and all of a sudden I realized I was singing different words than the rest of the congregation. HE'D MADE UP THE WHOLE ESPECIALLY TO BROTHER AND SISTER PART! But I digress....
These boys are lucky that Dad got up before me because my Sunday rule is no breakfast till you're completely dressed and ready to walk out the door for church. I say they're lucky because Dad had already fed them. Lincoln and I got showered and ate by 7:30. At 7:50 I gave each of the older boys their Sunday clothes for today. At 8:15 I reminded them that when it was time to leave for church they were going in whatever they were wearing. They continued with their games of hide-n-seek, building pillow forts, fist fights, and NOT putting any Sunday clothes on. Lincoln and I were good little people and were all dressed and ready to go by 8:30. At 8:45 I gathered all the shirts, socks, shoes, and ties into a little backpack because I figured Stephen would want to finish dressing them. Well, along came 8:50 (remember that's the absolute latest we can leave and be close to on time) and I announced it was time to load up and get buckles on. I got a couple, "I'm not dressed" and "I'm still half naked" comments. I reminded them that when it's time to go we're gonna leave. So, the little half naked critters went to the van and got buckled. Gabriel was lucky his shirt was on but not buttoned so he was able to finish that up during the drive.
Garrett was very quiet there in his booster seat wearing nothing but his Sunday pants. As I pulled into the parking lot I hear, "Well, I couldn't get dressed because Gabriel was bothering me." It had sunk in that he was at church with very little on.
I gave Stephen the backpack of clothes and excused myself for a little cry/laugh. I was crying because, really had we gotten to this point? Are my kids really this out of control? How can I possibly suck this bad and parenting? How the heck do I get through to the them that just because Dad's not home they can't turn into naughty, psycho terrors? And, the fact that I didn't want to get dressed and go anywhere, I was not excited about subbing with the Sunbeams, I'm miserable at church because it's so flaming HOT every Sunday, and it feels like years since church has provided the edification that makes it worth all the effort of getting there. I was teetering on the brink...
I was laughing because really who takes their kids out in public like that? It's not like I was on the way to Wal-Mart where you can get away with that kind of stuff. What kind of mother doesn't even have the decency to fully clothe her kids before church? And last but not least, their state of dress in combination with the facial expressions was just darn funny. If it'd been someone else's kids I would have been laughing without the crying. But somehow it never seems to be someone else's kids, they're mine and this circus that seems to follow us everywhere is getting exhausting.
No one likes the eye of judgment burning a hole through them. Our ward has just have an insane rash of new people move in. Just Great. Anyone that's been around a while knows we're trying with these kids but I'm not naive or stupid either. I'm exactly the kind of mom that people look at and think, "man why doesn't she discipline or something." I hate that. I can see that all too often it looks like these kids are running the show. I can't tell you how many times other moms of all girls or all girls and one boy have given me advice on how to "just tell them to do it" or "you just need to teach them to do it". It makes me want to scratch their eyes out. Don't you think I've thought of that one? We really are trying with all our might...we just happen to be failing at the moment. I did have a couple people who know how crazy these kids are check in with me later to make sure I was alright. Which also means my state of mind was pretty obvious too. Fun times.
Sorry no picture, although I do have one burned in my memory that will make me laugh...someday...maybe...I hope.
6 comments:
Your boys are making lots of progress and so are you two. Hang in there sweet thang!
Failing at the moment, are you kidding? You're there, they're there when it probably is easier elsewhere! Go easy on yourself because everyone else is. Whenever you look at a group photo, who do you look for first to see how you look? Everyone does the same thing, they look at themselves. Ah, yes, it's the prego thing and the heat that has you talking. Just a few more weeks of both! Your boys are alive, isn't that marvelous!
ok - first....MY DAD always sung those songs too! How funny! second....I do not envy that you have boys, you're a hero! third - I know how you feel. Although I have 3 girls, their ages are rough and I just finished two years of "getting them ready and out the door and sitting with them in sacrament meeting" by myself. It was so hard. I would get to church and just cry in sacrament meeting because the task was so overwhelming. My husband would sit on the stand and just look at me, after the meeting he would come and ask what was wrong and I said, "I have a two year old and 1 year old - or three year old, 2 year old and new born."
SO - how did I survive? Take it for what's it's worth....it's by no means advice, just what worked for me and I hope you can find something that works for you.
1st I tried Primary Music. I would put it on right as they woke up. At first it was background noise, everything was still roudy/crazy. Then one Sunday my 2 year old was singing along as she was running around - and I thought, "it is working."
2nd - church movies. They didn't at first, but my kids now LOVE the Restoration, Finding Faith in Christ, and Testaments. (I finally got sick of watching them over and over, so I just got Legacy and am trying to make that one work!)
I know, you have 9:00 church, but if they are up before Steven leaves, have him start the movie or turn the movie on while they are getting ready. I don't know?
Good Luck, hang in there - you're doing great, I'm sure. :)
PS - sorry for the lengthy comment - I should have e-mailed you.
Oh your not a bad parent and your kids are not bad kids---they are normal! I had mostly girls...2 boys...yes the boys fight...BUT those girls are Catty and they have bows, ribbons, curls, and matchy matchy stuff that takes LOTS of time on a Sunday morning-especially 4 of them. There were Sunday's I just wanted to give up. I never got anything out of Sacrament anyway and I was always in Primary so I never even got to have a spritual, peaceful, quiet moment to myself in Relief Society. Instead I was wrestling some one elses kids. We all go through it-really we do. Some women are just really good at acting like it was a snap! Oh but if we could be a fly on the wall! You and Stephen are doing a fine job- they are IN church every Sunday and Heavenly Father is proud of you. I remember one Sunday when my kids were little poor Sister Shumway with all those kids showed up and some of her kids were barefoot. She sat behind me then tapped me on the shoulders. Told me how cute my baby looked then preceeded to tell me what a horrible time she had getting her kids ready and how she finally said, "When it's time to go to church you will go AS IS!" And they did! I was proud of her for standing by her word.
So it's HOT, your pregnant, mom to some young roudy boys, and yet they are in church partaking of the Sacrament every Sunday. Go easy on yourself you are doing an excellent job!
Oh, you are NOT failing at all! Just ask any mom of all boys, or even just 3 boys in a row. I remember looking at my three younger brothers (all in a row) and think they were crazy! boys really are different than girls, that is for sure!
Hang in there. Hopefully next week will go a little better!
You ARE a great mom!! Boys are so hard!!! I know you will laugh about this down the road. We all have our moments though...I remember when I was pregnant with Bekah, felt HUGE, and cried in the halls at church because my three boys were out of control during sacrament meeting and I was feeling overwhelmed. Now look at them, growing up so fast...still out of control during sacrament meeting. :) I don't think it ever changes. I like to think that the Lord sent such strong spirits to mothers he trusted. So there, you are one special daughter. You are a wonderful mother! Hang in there!!
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