I seem to be annoyed about a lot of things these days. Things like Stephen works every Fast Sunday till May. If we wait till then to bless Lynneah she won't fit into her dress anymore and we can't bless her on any other day. The whole it can only be on Fast Sunday drives me crazy! It's just plain stupid. Garrett had no one at his blessing because we weren't allowed to move it up one week to be on the same day as Sarah's mission report. So, everyone came to the report... It's been a problem with every single kid. Ridiculous. The list goes on...it's making me stress eat and distracting me, both, with devastating consequences.
Lynneah doesn't maintain her oxygen levels as well when nursing so I've had to pump all but two of her feedings everyday. I loath pumping, but also feel strongly about the importance of all the good stuff nursing provides....so I pump several times a day. Every time I'm tied to my machine it forces me to just sit there...dangerous. My annoyed mind starts thinkin'...also dangerous. I think and think, and usually yell some, "Stop fighting!", "Don't make your brother cry!", "Would you focus and eat?!?", "Stoooop screaming!!" then I think and think some more.
There really wasn't ever a time after she was born that we were able to get a good sufficient supply up and running. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm frustrated that I'm losing ground and not able to completely pump as much as she needs. I'm having to dip into the frozen stockpile to top off the bottles, despite taking supplements the Dr said might help increase production. All that thinkin' is distracting me like crazy.
Yesterday I'd actually managed to pump a full 8 oz, more than enough to give her a full feed. I was so excited. The next thing I see is that entire bottle spilled on my carpet, pump bag, and chair cover! Dang!! (I have to admit there were a few other select words that crossed my mind too) I really have no idea what happened. I cleaned it up the best I could and thought at least there was still the other side to pump; hopefully it would be enough to fill her up for a little while. I managed 6 oz, not enough but would hold her till we got back from school drop off. I was getting all her medicine ready in the kitchen and the next thing I know, 4 oz was all over the counter. Dang!! ( This time the other select words left my mouth.) I wanted to run to the corner for a good cry and pout.
Lynneah doesn't maintain her oxygen levels as well when nursing so I've had to pump all but two of her feedings everyday. I loath pumping, but also feel strongly about the importance of all the good stuff nursing provides....so I pump several times a day. Every time I'm tied to my machine it forces me to just sit there...dangerous. My annoyed mind starts thinkin'...also dangerous. I think and think, and usually yell some, "Stop fighting!", "Don't make your brother cry!", "Would you focus and eat?!?", "Stoooop screaming!!" then I think and think some more.
There really wasn't ever a time after she was born that we were able to get a good sufficient supply up and running. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm frustrated that I'm losing ground and not able to completely pump as much as she needs. I'm having to dip into the frozen stockpile to top off the bottles, despite taking supplements the Dr said might help increase production. All that thinkin' is distracting me like crazy.
Yesterday I'd actually managed to pump a full 8 oz, more than enough to give her a full feed. I was so excited. The next thing I see is that entire bottle spilled on my carpet, pump bag, and chair cover! Dang!! (I have to admit there were a few other select words that crossed my mind too) I really have no idea what happened. I cleaned it up the best I could and thought at least there was still the other side to pump; hopefully it would be enough to fill her up for a little while. I managed 6 oz, not enough but would hold her till we got back from school drop off. I was getting all her medicine ready in the kitchen and the next thing I know, 4 oz was all over the counter. Dang!! ( This time the other select words left my mouth.) I wanted to run to the corner for a good cry and pout.
Dang! Dang! Dang!
Everything had spilled and I'd have nothing more for hours. More frozen gold had to be used. Just too distracted... Then I remembered the huge spill on the carpet. Breast mild STINKS something fierce. Gabriel was late by that point. I'm so lame he's been chronically late for two weeks now.
I suck.
I sent Stephen a "Good Morning" text and warned him I was in a seriously foul mood. I was just the kind of wife any guy wants to come home to after working for 24 hours straight. I didn't care---I - had - milk - all - over - my - dang - carpet.
We rented one of those super duper rug shampooers from Home Depot. He pre-treated the spot and went over it several times. Then he shampooed the rest of the room. We had it for the morning so I vacuumed the other rooms quickly and he shampooed those rooms too. There was still cleaning solution left so he finished it off going over my spot a ton more times.
That evening I checked it...
It was already stinking!! The dang carpet is ruined!
I'm beyond annoyed. We already have our turd neighbor complaining about the fence between our houses (because, apparently, we exclusively own it and his yard draining into ours couldn't be making it worse) a leaking 30+ year old roof, water heater that can no longer provide enough hot water to make it through Sunday morning showers and baths, van with no AC, in addition to a couple legitimate mechanical concerns, Lynneah's medical bills *fun* and now my carpet is
r u i n e d.
Just live with it you may say... Well, let me tell ya about old rotten milk in the carpet during monsoon with nothing but a humidity inducing swamp cooler.
N A S T Y !
I have a SUPER sensitive nose I can smell things no body else can. Smelling that stench all summer will have me committed by August. Grrr! {:'-E (That's my made up "grrr" face)
10 comments:
Oh my goodness Mariah. I am so sorry things haven't been going well. Those times are tough when everything is going wrong at the same time. I will hope for better, happier things for you. Hang in there. I know it's hard.
I have the same "thinking" issue. I usually sit there frustrated being strapped down to that chair thinking of all the things I could be getting done.
You'll have to reminder her one day of all this EXTRA effort you did for her. :)
P.S. There is absolutely NO WHERE in the church handbook that says you have to wait for Fast Sunday to bless your daughter. You don't even have to do it at church. We did Joel's son Jesse's at the Stake Presidents office just after David was ordained and Elder to go off for his mission so he could participate.
Don't wait. It's important. As long as you notify your bishop you are doing it at a specific time and place, he shouldn't stop you.
We've asked and gotten permission from our bishop to bless two of our children on a non fast Sunday. Because of your special circumstances, maybe he would give you permission to do so too.
Dear Mariah, Don't hold everything in so much. It isn't healthy.
Love, Mom
Sorry I lost my magic wand!
haha - I guess I'm like a few other friends, and looked up the blessing "rules" in the handbook, since I happen to have one. It says, "Children are normally named and blessed during fast and testimony meeting..." I would imagine, if you explained that Stephen had to work, they should allow you to bless her on another day. Good Luck!!
As far as everything else, I'm not going to say, "Hang in there - it gets easier" because I don't really think it does, but we learn to handle it - so in a sense it feels easier.
Just remember, you're not alone!! (as hard as that may be sometimes to not believe!)
Tell my mom when you want it done and she will make it happen. You know good old Mary!!!! Even up here in the promise land you do not have to do it on a fast sunday.
Oh, sorry Mariah. I'm sure you probably have, but have you asked your Bishop about blessing your baby on a different Sunday. We have had several people in our Ward bless their babies on Sundays that weren't Fast Sunday's. I don't know why it would be a problem with your Ward. Just a thought. Hope things get better.
My mom and I have the same nose...my mom even more so. She can smell things others cannot...it makes her crazy. So I know what you mean. I know the spilled milk was probably one of the smaller problems, but know I'm thinking of ya, and love ya. On the days (and I've had several lately) where I'm ready to cry in a corner, I should just come join you with some ice cream or a magic money tree to plant in each yard!!! Either way, I know we both tend to try and be strong for our families, and sometimes our extended families as well, and end up holding so much inside that we are liable to burst at any moment. And that's probably not the best way to live life. Know that I'm here for you if you ever need anything...and I really mean that.
I hope this week goes easier for you!
Love ya!
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